Agent Coulson – Unable to Deliver – Brian Manton

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1.

Nick Fury stands in a cargo bay inside the helicarrier. He holds a crowbar by his side. In the other hand he holds a clip board. On the clipboard we see a delivery manifest. Fury is, as ever, furious, grinding a stubby cigar in his teeth.

A manual labourer in a Shield-branded jumpsuit stands in front of him, intimidated.

Hundreds of Shield-branded coffin-sized crates are being loaded and stacked in the BKG. More workers in Sheild jumpsuits oversee this operation, operating forklifts, cranes and trolleys.

Three of the crates lie open near fury. One flat on the ground and two upright. Packing foam litters the floor. Most of the foam packing has fallen from the upright crates to reveal Life Model Decoys of Agent Coulson. Amongst the packing foam on the ground we see a booklet that reads “Life Model Decoy. Instruction Manual.”

Fury:  I am not signing for these.

Agent Coulson - Upon His Return... - R.A. Wonsowski

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Panel 1 - Establishing shot:  Taipei 101 in a morning skyline view.

CAPTION:  Upon Agent Coulson's miraculous return...


Panel 2 - COULSON rappels one-handed to the next ledge, firing his Desert Eagle 50-caliber automatic pistol.  He is dressed in his usual attire, shades on.  There is a visible arm brace running the length of his arm to support it against the large pistol's recoil.  He has hit a black-body-stockinged, helmeted ASSASSIN with a jet pack with his shot, causing him to drop his Uzi.  Another ASSASSIN reaches for COULSON out an open window.

NO COPY


Panel 3 - Holding onto his rope and gun, COULSON kicks the ASSASSIN in the window in the head.  Another JET PACK ASSASSIN with an UZI lands on the ledge.

NO COPY


Panel 4 - COULSON throws back his elbow, cracking the helmet faceplate, as a THIRD JET PACK ASSASSIN, armed with a large combat knife, lands on the ledge.

NO COPY


Panel 5 - COULSON, still holding gun and rappel rope, dives head-first off the ledge, leaving JET PACK ASSASSINS 2 and 3 behind.

NO COPY


Panel 6 - COULSON reverses on the rope, bringing his Desert Eagle to dead aim as he falls backwards.

NO COPY


Panel 7 - COULSON fires twice, hits both JET PACK ASSASSINS square in the chest.

NO COPY


Panel 8 - As COULSON nears the bottom, he does a tumble roll in midair, holstering his weapon as he finishes his rappel.

NO COPY


Panel 9 - On the sidewalk, in front of the main entrance, COULSON lets go of the rope and sticks the landing.

NO COPY


Panel 10 - COULSON, left of panel, stands on the sidewalk, looking smug, facing, panel right, NICK FURY, who is standing next to CHIUN, who is pointing his thumb at REMO WILLIAMS, the Destroyer, standing behind him with an insulted look on his face.

COULSON:  Well?

FURY:  Chiun?  Is he fit to come back?

CHIUN:  To return to your SHIELD?  I suppose.  At least he is not as poor of a student as this ugly, club-footed yak.

REMO:  Hey...Who's club-footed?!?

The Destroyer created by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir.

Agent Coulson - A Leaf On The Wind - Niel Jacoby

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Panel 1: SHIELD Agent Dan Valentine, the person we know as Phil Coulson, walks into the office of Nick Fury, director of SHIELD. Fury has just finished pouring 2 drinks.

Fury: AH, VALENTINE. JUST THE MAN I WANTED TO TALK TO.
(LINK)
YOU'VE NOTICED THE SUPERPOWERED... WHATEVERTHEYARES WE'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH LATELY. THE DRUNK IN THE LASER SUIT, THE BEARDED GUY AT THE INVESTIGATION SITE IN NEW MEXICO, THE UNFROZEN CAVEMAN SOLDIER WE FOUND IN THE ARCTIC.

Panel 2: Valentine/Coulson is perplexed, still standing as Fury offers him one of the 2 drinks.

Valentine: YES...

Fury: SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. WE HAVE A LOT TO DISCUSS.

Panel 3: As Valentine/Coulson sits, attempting to hold his drink steady, we can see Fury searching through a pile of files on his desk.

Fury: AS WE SAW WITH PROJECT INVADER DURING WW2, AND PROJECT DEFENDER IN 'NAM, THESE FOLKS ARE PRONE TO FIGHTING. THEY'LL FIGHT EACH OTHER WHEN THEY MEET, THEY'LL FIGHT EACH OTHER WHEN THEY HAVE A GHOST OF A THOUGHT THAT THEY MIGHT BE A BIT MISGUIDED
(LINK)
HELL, THEY'LL FIGHT EACH OTHER OVER STOLEN FRUIT PIES.
(LINK)
WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS KEEP THEM IN CHECK. MAKE SURE THEY KNOW THAT THERE'S A PRICE TO INFIGHTING.

Panel 4: Fury slides a file across the table. We can see the label: Project Washburn

Valentine: I STILL DON'T SEE WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WI-

Fury(interrupting): AGENT VALENTINE.
(LINK)
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DIE FOR YOUR COUNTRY?

Agent Coulson - Agent of the Shield - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Wide panel. Cargo bay of a SHIELD helicarrier. An army of Ultron drones has invaded and is battling multiple SHIELD agents, as well as Cap, Thor and Iron Man. And, of course, Coulson himself at the back, firing his sidearm.

COULSON (CAP): They took our base by surprise.

COULSON (CAP): We didn't stand a chance.

Panel 2: Close on Iron Man, being restrained by one of the drones while another extends a probe from its hand into Iron Man's armour. Electricity shoots out the armour.

COULSON (CAP): Human genius was no match for artificial intelligence.

ARMOUR: Warning: Armor systems compromised. Unauthorised shutdown in progress.

SFX: KRRRZZ

Panel 3: Several drones fire energy blasts at Thor, who winces in pain.

COULSON (CAP): I saw a god fall before man-made machinery.

SFX: FWOOM

Panel 4: Captain America takes an energy blast to his side and hits the deck next to Coulson, who looks over in concern, his face still stoic though.

COULSON (CAP): A legend give way to the future.

CAPT. AMERICA: Gah!

SFX: KZZZZZ

Panel 5: Coulson kneels next to Cap, who looks up at Coulson with purpose, offering his shield.

COULSON: Cap!

CAPT. AMERICA: Take it, Coulson...

COULSON (CAP): It was our darkest hour.

Panel 6: Coulson, standing up with Cap's shield protecting him, firing his gun into the Ultron drones. He remains as calm as ever.

COULSON (CAP): But this part was pretty awesome.

SFX: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

END OF PAGE

Agent Coulson – No Pulp - Shaun Richens

PAGE ONE – 7 PANELS.

1.1

Int an average all American roadside diner. NICK FURY sits in a booth nursing a big cup of coffee. The window behind him shows that this is in the middle of nowhere. Just open land all around and a single road running through it.

COULSON (OP):

Good to see you Nick.

1.2

Reveal shot of AGENT COULSON. We are angled looking up at him giving him that larger than life look. He wears his classic suit and shades.

COULSON:

Mind if I sit down.

1.3

Cut back to Fury. He leans his head towards the empty seat on the other side of the booth and holds out his hand palm up pointing at the seat, offering it up.

NICK FURY:

Pull up a pew.

1.4

Wide panel. Repeat framing of 1.1 but now Coulson sits opposite Fury. A homely middle-aged waitress stands near the table, her notepad in hand ready to take an order.

WAITRESS:

What can I get for you fellas?

COLUSON:

I’ll take an OJ. No pulp if you have it miss, and a full stack of pancakes.

COULSON:

Oh and a refill for my friend here if you’d be so kind. He’s runs on caffeine.

WAITRESS:

Sure thing sweetheart.

1.5

Repeat of 1.4 however the waitress has left to get their order.

NICK FURY:

Looking good for a dead man. I heard you were kia?

COULSON:

Funny I heard the same rumor about you once.

1.6

Cut to a close up on Nick Fury. He has that rare but beautiful thing on his face. A Nick Fury smile. Only a man like Coulson could make old Fury crack a grin.

NICK FURY:

Ha. It’s tough to keep guys in our line off work down for long.

NICK FURY:

But enough of my flirting, why are we in the middle of nowhere having breakfast?

1.7

Cut to close up on Coulson.

COULSON:

We need to talk Nick.

COULSON:

Have you heard about the new director of shield?

Agent Coulson – Agent Coulson Facts – MK Stangeland Jr.

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: Two SHIELD scientists stand behind a table with what appears to be an LMD designed to resemble AGENT Coulson. The scientists are looking at each other and shrugging.

TEXT BOX (1): SHIELD tried to make an LMD of Agent Coulson once.

TEXT BOX (2): They failed, because there can only be one Agent Coulson.

Panel 2: DEATH and AGENT COULSON are looking each other square in the face.

TEXT BOX (1): Agent Coulson almost died once.

TEXT BOX (2): He then intimidated Death into letting him live simply by staring at her.

Panel 3: AGENT COULSON is standing over a KOed SQUIRREL GIRL.

TEXT BOX (1): Squirrel Girl has the power to beat anybody in a fight.

TEXT BOX (2): Agent Coulson has the power to beat Squirrel Girl in a fight.

Panel 4: AGENT COULSON is standing near an assembled team of AVENGERS, and is drinking a cup of coffee.

TEXT BOX (1): Agent Coulson needs no Superpowers.

TEXT BOX (2): Being Agent Coulson IS a Superpower.

Panel 5: AGENT COULSON is wearing a space suit and punching NAZIs in space. The design of the image should suggest the scene is taking place during World War II.

TEXT BOX (1): Agent Coulson was…

AGENT COULSON: (Off-Panel) Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop right there.

TEXT BOX (2): …

Panel 6: Background should be a match to PANEL 5. In the foreground stands AGENT COULSON, who is looking straight out towards the reader – or rather, the person who wrote the comic in the first place.

AGENT COULSON (1): Believe me, I’m doing you a favor.

AGENT COULSON (2): A rip-off of an old meme that wasn’t very funny in the first place?

AGENT COULDON (3): I’m rather disappointed. You can do better. Much better.

TEXT BOX: …

AGENT COULSON (4): Now if you’ll excuse me.

Panel 7: Panel is a match to PANEL 5, with AGENT COULDON having left.

TEXT BOX (1): …

TEXT BOX (2): (As small as possible while still being readable) Agent Coulson can interrupt his own comics as he pleases.

AGENT COULSON: (Off-Panel) I heard that.

TEXT BOX (3): …

(END PAGE)

Agent Coulson – A Demonstration of Finesse – Simon McDonald

1.
Inside the S.H.I.E.L.D helicarrier, the villain Shotgun – clad in black-tights-and-body-armour onesie laden with pouches, and an assortment of high-tech weaponry holstered and slung across his body – is holding a gun to Maria Hill’s head as he screams at the observing crowd, which consists of a dozen (at least) uniformed S.H.I.E.L.D agents, all with their weapons raised. Most prominent amongst them is Agent Phil Coulson, dressed in his everyday suit and tie, hands in his pockets, epitomizing nonchalance.

SHOTGUN:  I told you - - I want Fury!!

COULSON (1):  You really don’t. Trust me.

COULSON (2): I work for the guy and even I don’t want to see him.

2.

Tight on Coulson, pointing at his forehead.

COULSON: See, Fury - - he’d have shot you by now, right between the eyes. He’s like that.

3.

Shotgun is sneering, the gun pressed firmly against the side of Maria Hill’s head. The S.H.I.E.L.D agent’s eyes are wide, but not fearful. She’s looking at Coulson expectantly. She knows he must have something up his sleeve. But although Coulson’s are now out of his pockets, they’re empty; his arms hang loosely by his side.

COULSON: Me, I’m tactful. I’m all about finesse.

SHOTGUN: Bravo. Your finesse just got your girl killed.

4.

Shotgun’s expression has twisted into disbelief as his handgun refuses to fire. A hint of a smile is on Maria Hill’s face. Coulson’s also enjoying himself.

SFX: Click! Click! Click!

SHOTGUN: The hell - - ?!

COULSON (1): Oh. Right. That would be the combustion nullification field*.

COULSON (2): C’mon, pal. We’re S.H.I.E.L.D. You really thought it'd be this easy?

5.

Coulson’s grin is smug. He’s looking admiringly at his fists.

COULSON: Now, about that finesse I was referring to...

*Real S.H.I.E.L.D. technology last seen in Punisher Vol. 9, #9.

Agent Coulson - The Greater Threat - Ben Rosenthal

I'd just like to point out that I am a massive Joss fan and love the way he writes.  Just clearing that up now.

1.  Agent Phil Coulson is walking in to the ops room of the S.H.E.I.L.D Helicarrier.  Maria is looking at a large screen with various readouts on it.  She stands with her hand on her chin, observing. 

CAPTION

When Agent Phil Coulson made his way into the Marvel Universe he brought something with him.

Whedon-speak.

COULSON

What’s the situation?

MARIA HILL

Things.

2.  Coulson and Hill are standing side by side, front on to the panel.  Hill still stands with her hand on her chin as she speaks.  Coulson is his usual stoic self. 

COULSON

Things?

MARIA HILL

Yeah, things.  And stuff.

3.  The two have not moved and continue their banter.

COULSON

Things with stuff!  Are the things mixed with the stuff or are they not mutually exclusive?

MARIA HILL

They’re testing the waters before they make a firm decision.

COULSON

So they are ice skating around their issues?

MARIA HILL

Ice snorkelling.  The waters aren’t firm yet.

COULSON

So they can’t break?

MARIA HILL

Yeah, so the baby isn’t on the way.

COULSON

What baby?

4.  Hill has her arms outstretched in a dramatic display as she shouts.  Coulson is reacting in a shocked way.

MARIA HILL

THE LORD UNDERDEATH!

5.  Coulson has regained his compsure.  Maria is posing as she did at the start of the story. 

COULSON

Oh.  Yay.   

And stuff.

Why Agent Coulson?

You've seen Iron Man right?

And Thor and Captain America?

And that Avengers movie that was mildly successful, yes?

Then why are you asking me this question?

Coulson is cool.  So cool that Marvel brought him over into the main Marvel U to continue his cool ways.

If there is one thing we know well here at Thought Balloons, it's cool.

Shut up.

So this week is all about the coolest guy we know, Agent Coolson.

Not a typo.