Amalgam Comics – NEXTsquad: Agents of B.O.L.T. – MK Stangeland Jr.

NEXTWAVE has a baby with Thunderbolts and Suicide Squad as Director AMANDA “GREENWALL” OSBORN (Amanda Waller/Norman Osborn) of the Black Ops Liberty Team deploys supposedly unstable misfits on what are supposed to be missions of certain death and then gets upset when they continue to succeed without anyone dying. Making up the team of misfits who are far more alive than they should be are:

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD/Luke McCabe (Luke Cage/Songbird/Vixen/Monica Rambeau): Inadvertent leader who didn’t know what he was signing up for, responsible for the near impossible task of keeping everyone in line and capable of generating sonic animal constructs around himself and accessing powers relevant to those animals by doing so.

X-SHOT/Floyd Stack (Deadshot/Aaron Stack): A trigger-happy killer cyborg with targeting systems more advanced than the most advanced targeting systems known to man and more weapons built into his body than you can shake a cattle prod at.

COUNTESS BLOODMOON/Karla Bloodmoon (Count Vertigo/Elsa Bloodstone/Karla Sofen): The manipulative, self-centered member of royalty from a minor European kingdom who possesses her nations prized Bloodmoon Gem, granting her mysterious mystical powers.

CAPTAIN SHARK (King Shark/The Captain): The super-strong, super hungry team muscle who’s temperamental, short-sighted, and kind of stupid.

Q-BOOM!/Dr. Tabitha Harleen Jenkins (Tabitha Smith/Harley Quinn/Abner Jenkins): An intelligent but easily distracted young woman who enjoys using her degree in engineering and her powered battle suit to make stuff blow up good.

AND

PHANTOM/Mr. Gordon (Barbara Gordon/Ghost): Technically the guy giving the team their mission information, but serves as their ‘guardian angel’ by manipulating events to ensure they survive – but whether it’s out of the goodness of his heart or to serve his own secret agenda is yet to be seen.

(8 Panels)

Panel 1: CAPTAIN POWERBIRD, X-SHOT, CAPTAIN SHARK, and Q-BOOM! are standing around a radio communications device that’s sitting on a table. COUNTESS BLOODMOON is off nearby being COUNTESS BLOODMOON.

AMANDA OSBORN: (Through the communicator device) How do they all keep surviving?! What is the point of a suicide mission if nobody dies!?

AMANDA OSBORN (2): (Through the communicator device) Wait…is this thing on? PHANTOM! I thought I said…

Panel 2: Everyone reacts as CAPTAIN SHARK slams his face down on top of the communicator device in a way that would put it directly into his mouth. CAPTAIN POWERBIRD has a look of shock, X-SHOT drops his head into his hand in a ‘I’m surrounded by idiots sort of way’, while Q-BOOM! looks excited by the random act of destruction.

SFX: (Following the trail CAPTAIN SHARK’s head traveled to get to the communication device.) RAAAAAHHHHW!

SFX: (From CAPTAIN SHARK’s face impacting the table) WAM

CAPTAIN SHARK: eet et afh!

Panel 3: CAPTAIN SHARK is standing up again and trying to chew on the communication device as it hangs half-way out of his mouth. CAPTAIN POWERBIRD has his hands out in front of him as he shouts at CAPTAIN SHARK.

SFX: (From CAPTAIN SHARK chewing on the device) krnk krk krnk

CAPTAIN SHARK: ohm nom nom nom nom!

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD: SHARK!

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD (2): We needed that!

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD (3): Osborn’s a jerk, yeah, but still!

Panel 4: Beat Panel. CAPTAIN SHARK stands with the device sticking halfway out of his mouth. His eyes are tilted to look at an angry CAPTAIN POWERBIRD.

Panel 5: CAPTAIN SHARK spits the device back out onto the table. CAPTAIN POWERBIRD reacts with a touch of disgust.

SFX: (From CAPTAIN SHARK spitting the device back out) Blegh!

CAPTAIN SHARK: Sorry

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD: ugh

Panel 6: Q-BOOM! takes a close look at the chewed on device. CAPTAIN POWERBIRD looks at her skeptically.

Q-BOOM!: It doesn’t look that bad. I should be able to fix it easy!

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD: Fix it fix it? Or make a bomb out of it fix it?

Panel 7: Beat Panel. Everyone looks at CAPTAIN POWERBIRD.

Panel 8: CAPTAIN POWERBIRD lowers his head into his hand in frustration.

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD: That was a stupid question, wasn’t it?

CAPTAIN POWERBIRD (2): Silly me.

(END PAGE)

Nextwave - The Parody Of Your Parody Is My Reality - Danial Carroll

PAGE ONE (eight panels)

PANEL 1. Maria Hill is sitting in front of a large monitor, upon which is the head of a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

CAPTION:

2006

AGENT:

Excuse me, Director Hill. We've discovered something downtown that we think you should see.

PANEL 2. Maria is now standing inside a rundown warehouse, surrounded by several agents.

MARIA:

What on Earth?

PANEL 3. From Maria's POV, we see the team of Nextwave, seated, all strapped into what appear to be VR headsets.

MONICA:

Avengers. ☠☠☠☠ Avengers!

TABITHA:

Like, ☠☠☠☠.

AARON:

☠☠☠☠ fleshy ones.

ELSA:

☠☠☠☠, Darling.

THE CAPTAIN:

☠☠☠☠ ☠☠☠☠ ☠☠☠☠.

PANEL 4. The agent from Panel 1 is gesturing to a computer terminal next to her.

AGENT:

It appears to be a modified battlefield simulator, running a custom O.S..

MARIA:

To what ends?

AGENT:

We're still looking into that.

PANEL 5. Maria is leaning down to the computer terminal. Over her shoulder we can read the screen:

H.A.T.E. RUNTIME

(Horrendous Acronym To Entertain)

Random Enemy Generator Sub-routine Active

Broccoli Men... DELETED

Giant Robot Cop... DELETED

Killer Koalas... IN PROGRESS

MARIA:

Is this supposed to be funny?

PANEL 6. Wide view of the scene. Maria looks angry.

MARIA:

We're on the verge of a civil war. I don't have time for this.

MARIA:

Pull the plug!

AGENT:

Uhh, we're not sure that would be safe, Director.

MARIA:

So what do you suggest?

PANEL 7. Close up of the agent and Maria.

AGENT:

Our analysts have determined that the program is already halfway through its runcycle. My suggestion would be to just let it run its course.

MARIA:

How long will that take?

AGENT:

Another six months.

PANEL 8. Maria is walking away, flippantly waving her hand.

MARIA:

Fine, do that then. If no one's reported these heroes missing for six months, then I doubt anyone will miss them for another six.

Nextwave - Agent Against Agent - Matt Duarte

Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. in “Agent Against Agent” by Matt Duarte

Seven panels. The first one and the last one are bigger, taking up almost all of the page space. Two through 6 are a series of small panels showing a single short action.

Panel 1

Description: The Agents of Atlas (Jimmy Woo, Venus, Gorilla-Man, Marvel Boy, and M-11) are walking through a hallway, filled with computers and other machines. This has a green-ish hue, because it is being seen through a video feed. There are several people talking outside of the panel, but we can’t see who’s who.

CHARACTER (out of panel): OMG! They have a talking monkey!

CHARACTER (out of panel): You are all talking monkeys to me...

CHARACTER (out of panel): They even have their own murderous robot. I propose we make a trade.

CHARACTER (out of panel): I like the half-naked chick.

CHARACTER (out of panel): Quiet, all of you! On my mark...

Panel 2

Description: Monica zapping M-11.

MONICA: Nextwave, kick their butts!

Panel 3

Description: Tabitha pointing at Marvel Boy’s helmet and making it explode.

TABBY: Nerd!

Panel 4

Description: The Captain kicking Gorilla-Man in the testicles.

THE CAPTAIN: Throw ☠☠☠☠ at me now, will you?

Panel 5

Description: Elsa Bloodstone shooting at Venus.

ELSA: Put on some clothes, dear.

Panel 6

Description: Machine Man is headbutting Jimmy Woo.

MACHINE MAN: I’ve got the mongoloid.

Panel 7

Description: Nextwave stands triumphant over the bodies of the Agent of Atlas, sprawled all over the floor. This is seen through a very hazy sort of filter. Marvel Boy is reading Nextwave’s mind and this is what they are seeing. At the bottom of the panel, there’s a series of thoughts by the Agents of Atlas.

ELSA: Aaron, that’s deeply offensive.

MACHINE MAN: Your smell is offensive to me.

TABBY: OMFG...We killed a monkey!

MONICA: These guys had it coming. The Beyond Corporation and the Atlas Foundation were planning something together on the west coast.

THE CAPTAIN: Yeah, ☠☠☠☠ these guys.

CHARACTER (out of panel): Really? That’s how they think the confrontation would happen?

CHARACTER (out of panel): I’m sensing that their memories have been tampered with, and because of that they suffer delusions of grandeur... among other things.

CHARACTER (out of panel): No way I’d go down like a chump to this Captain guy.

CHARACTER (out of panel): I’m thinking we can use it against them.

You have been reading NEXTWAVE.

Like Ayn Rand, but with even less common sense.

Next: Atlas will shrug!

Nextwave - I Have No ☠☠☠☠ And I Must ☠☠☠☠! - Rol Hirst

Panel One.

Recap box. Yes, a recap box. Yes, I am telling rather than showing. For one panel. This is how it will be. If you don't like it, you can ☠☠☠☠ your ☠☠☠☠ with a llama's ☠☠☠☠ for all I care. Recap box...

CAP: Previously on 'The Marvel Universe Is Our Plaything'...

CAP: Ultron is back. And he's a babe again, because Frank Cho is drawing him this month. And because, let's face it, if you had the choice of looking like a grisly, furnace-faced skull with wingnut ears or a hot metal Janet Van Dyne with much larger boobies, which would you choose? Even if you were an insane killer robot with megalomaniac daddy issues? Don't lie to me, I know your tell.

Panel Two.

New York City. A scene of carnage and devastation. The bodies of fallen heroes lie scattered in the wreckage of buildings, strung from lamp posts, smashed through windows, with taxi cabs parked on their faces. Above the chaos, Hot Ultron floats, gloating, triumphant. In the foreground, Mayor J. Jonah Jameson looks on in horror. His assistant, Glory Grant, hands him a phone.

JJJ: The Fantastic Four... The X-Men... The Avengers... The New Avengers... The Young Avengers... The Academy Avengers... The Nantucket Avengers... even ☠☠☠☠ing Spider-Man...

Glory: Isn't Spider-Man in the Avengers? And the New Avengers? And the Fantasti--?

JJJ: Never mind that, Ms. Grant. She's defeated them all! Who else is left to save us...?

Glory: Well...

Panel Three.

Cut to: close-up on Monica Rambeau, taking an urgent telephone call, looking worried.

Monica: Yes, Mr. Mayor - we'll be right there.

Panel Four.

The rec' room on board the Shockwave Rider. As Monica enters the room ready for action, she finds the rest of the team - Aaron, Tabitha, Elsa and the Captain slobbing out on sofas in front of the TV. Only Aaron looks less than relaxed - he's clutching his groin with a pained / angry expression. Elsa glances away from the TV, towards Monica.

TV: It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world, yes it does...

Tabitha: Relax, boss lady, we're handling this...

Monica: Well, excuse me, Tabitha, but from where I'm standing you’re not handling ☠☠☠☠! Every single member of this team is sat watching TV and drinking beer…

Panel Five.

Close on Machine Man, grimacing and scowling, still clutching his crotch. Tabitha leans across him, still looking at Monica, and points down into Aaron's lap.

Aaron: Not. Every. Single. Member.

Tabitha: It's fine, Monica - we sent Aaron's ☠☠☠☠...

Panel Six.

A tiny robot penis rockets towards New York to defeat Sexy Ultron... but because this is a family show, the penis is partly obscured by a large 'CENSORED' sticker. (It really is tiny though.)

Aaron's Penis: It's SEXXXY time!

Nextwave – The All New Uncanny Nextwave – Ryan K Lindsay

Marvel Press Release: For Immediate Release – Your minds are only there to be changed. Old is new, up is down, black is white. Nextwave was maybe thirteen people’s favourite comic, for 12 issues, but with this creative relaunch it’ll resonate through the Marvel ages for much longer. From the collective hivemind of Mark Millar, Daniel Way, and Jeph Loeb, and the amazing pencils of swipe extraordinaire Greg Land, comes the real Nextwave you’ve always looked for and truly wanted – whether you admitted it or not.

Prepare thyselves for:

Alright, kids, I can’t draw so the whole press release thing gets kind of ruined here, but I can describe what is available from the Merry Men of Marvel.

This is one big splash page.

This image apes the Giant Sized X-Men cover of days of yore, look after the script to be elucidated.

The banner says Giant-Size Nextwave. The side banner says ‘Senses-Melting 1st Reissue’

The faded background shows the old Nextwave team, Monica, Tabitha, Aaron, Elsa, The Captain, and Dirk. They don’t look shocked, they look goddamn pissed.

The foreground shows the new team charging through the cover like football players through the head cheerleaders…through the tickertape banner., the tickertape banner!

The new team consists of: Deadpool, Daken the Dark Wolverine, Spider-Man in his regular costume but it is under The Captain’s clothes, Red Hulk, and Gambit!

The caption on the bottom right says “New! ☠☠☠☠ Genesis!”

Nextwave - ☠☠☠☠ - Ben Rosenthal

The following takes place immediately after issue #12 of Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E


1. Devil Dinosaur lies dead on the ground. Nextwave (Monica Rambeau, Tabitha Smith, Aaron Stack Elsa Bloodstone and The Captain) stand over him, looking satisfied that the job has been done.

OFF PANEL VOICE
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

2. A small man jumps out from behind a pillar. He looks furious. This man is The Chief (new character). He is dressed in normal, everyday clothes, but has an air of authority about him. Nextwave looks on, confused.

THE CHIEF
You can’t just go changing a script! You can’t kill off character whenever you want! There are meetings, and protocol and procedures to follow. Devil Dinosaur was going to be used in next month’s Extreme Mega Special 5000™!

3. Nextwave looking at each other, silently coming to an agreement.

4. Nextwave looking at the direction of The Chief.

NEXTWAVE (all of them)
Blow.

5. The Chief holding a large cannon type gun in front of him.

THE CHIEF
I’ll blow alright – I’ll blow you all back into line with my Retroactive Cannon! You’ll be back to who you were before this travesty ever took place! I’ll never have the insubordination from the likes of you again.

6. Nextwave are standing, each realising what they would go back to being if hit with the Retroactive Cannon.

MONICA (looking pensive)
I’d be respected again?

TABITHA SMITH (A look of excitement on her face as she stares at the ground)
I’d have a brain ag...oooh look a penny!

ELISA BLOODSTONE (looking suspicious)
I’d be forgotten again?

THE CAPTAIN (looking sad)
I’d be nothing again.


AARON STACK (looking like Aaron Stack)
You doubt the power of Nextwave? You think we don’t have a plan for an occasion such as this? We are Nextwave, we are awesome, and you fleshy one have another ☠☠☠☠ thing coming!

7. Nextwave running away from the panel, as fast as they could possibly run. Wild shots fire around them as The Chief (off panel) tries to hit them with his cannon. The Captain is in mid leap, jumping over one of the shots fired from the cannon.

Why Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E

Why Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E

Why Nexwave? WHY NEXTWAVE? I think the following explains a lot better than I could.

Have fun, fleshy ones.