Parenthood - Negative - P. A. Nolte

Hope this isn't too cynical.  I don't have much to say about parenthood, and virtually no experience from a personal perspective, but these scenes seemed fairly universal, so...

1/ In the hallway of a suburban house, a young boy is painting his masterpiece on the wall.  His mother is barreling out of another room to prevent any further art from being committed.

Mother: Stop!

2/ The same boy, slightly older.  He's in the backseat of a car, kicking his legs.  His father is driving, his mother is starting to lean back to forcibly hold his legs if need be.

Father: Quit it!

3/ A little older still, he's walking beside his mother through a grocery store.  He's holding up a cereal box to show her.  Maybe she'll let him put it in the cart if he asks SUPER nice.

Mother: No.

4/ Now driving age, he's at a used car lot with his father, pointing to one vehicle among many.  Wedged between mostly beat-up models with boxy metal frames and a few with sleeker designs is a sweet little roadster priced just an extra grand or two above the rest.

Father: Absolutely not.

5/ The boy, now a man, sitting at a table in a restaurant with friends.  He has a drink halfway to his mouth, about to take a sip.  He eyes the person questioning him with suspicion.

Friend: You don't want kids?

Man: ...Nah.

Parenthood - No Right Way - Perry Kent

I went for a very literal interpretation of the source material.

This requires that panels 1/2 be set side-by-side, panels 3/4 be set side-by-side, and panels 5/6 set side-by-side as though we were doing comparisons. Sally and Bobby progress in age from panel-tier to panel-tier at the same pace. The two families are not related, so feel free to make them very different.

Panel 1

Mom poking her head into a room where an unhappy toddler boy sits on the ground among some toys. She is wearing a smile.

MOM: Wipe those alligator tears, Bobby.

Panel 2

Dad holding crying toddler girl as he panics not knowing what to do.

DAD: What's wrong Sally?!

Panel 3

Bobby, a small boy, climbs on ladder about two feet off the ground as mom calls out telling him not to go so high.

MOM (OP): Don't climb so high, Bobby!

Panel 4

Dad and Sally, a small girl, sit at the top of a jungle gym, both holding on with one hand raised in the air in triumph!

DAD: We did it, Sally!

Panel 5

Bobby, a teenage boy, sits at a table a large textbook in front of him and him looking up at his mom with his phone in his hand. He has a worried look, like he was just caught. The Mom stands over Bobby with a disapproving, stern expression.

MOM: You won't do well if you don't study more.

Panel 6

Sally, a teenager girl, sits at a table over a large textbook that is open in front of her. The Dad stands next to teenage daughter with a wide smile. The teenage daughter is rolling her eyes with a small smile on her face.

DAD: Aren't you done studying yet?

Panel 7

The mom and the dad sit several chairs away from each other in a dark auditorium. The mom beams with pride while the dad is wiping away a tear from his eye, a smile on his face. The mom sits on the left side of the panel and the dad sits on the right side of the panel. Note: Leave plenty of room above them for complicated word balloons.

ANNOUNCER (OP): I would like to announce the co-valedictorians Bobby [COVER UP #1] and Sally [COVER UP #2].

MOM: That's my boy!

DAD: That's my girl!

Lettering Note: The mom's word balloon should cover up the section in the announcer's balloon called "COVER UP #1". The dad's word balloon should cover up the section in the announcer's balloon called "COVER UP #2".

Parenthood – Thanos Knows Best – MK Stangeland, Jr.

(Set in a variant of a SCOTTIE YOUNG style verse, like MINI MARVELS, GIANT SIZE L’IL MARVEL, and MARVEL BABIES stories)

(5 Panels)

Panel 1: A mini version of the GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY – Movie Version, plus MANTIS, MAJOR VICTORY, and COSMO - is inside a treehouse set up like a spaceship.

The tree itself, in this instance, is actually GROOT, whose head is sticking in through the window, with ROCKET RACOON sitting on said head. The rest are arranged around the tree house at pretend stations.

STAR-LORD (1): Oh no! It’s a sneak attack!

STAR-LORD (2): We’re under attack by the Phalanx, the Brood, and the Badoon!

STAR-LORD (3): All at the same time!

MAJOR VICTORY: Oh no! How will…

THANOS: (Off-Panel) Gamora! It’s time to come home!

Panel 2: On the ground, outside the tree house. Both THANOS and J’SON are looking up, while GAMORA is just peeking her head out and glaring down at THANOS. GROOT has also pulled his head out of the house, though ROCKET still sits on top of it.

GAMORA (1): Not now, Thanos! I’m busy!

THANOS: Listen to your father, Gamora!

GAMORA (2): Shut up, Thanos! You’re not my real dad!

Panel 3: THANOS is annoyed, while J’SON looks at him and gives a sympathetic hand on the shoulder.

THANOS (1): I swear, that girl is impossible sometimes.

THANOS (2): For all the work I put into being a galactic tyrant, it’s nothing compared to putting up with my kids sometimes.

J’SON: I hear ya there, man.

J'SON (2): The stories I could tell you about l'il Pete...

Panel 4: GAMORA pouts as she walks back away from the window.

DRAX (1): Man, that Thanos is a major jerk.

DRAX (2): Sorry you have to put up with him all the time.

MANTIS: You should not be so hard on him. He remains your father.

GAMORA: Ugh…

Panel 5: Close up on GAMORA as she wears a face that’s equal parts being disgusted at and embarrassed by her dad.

GAMORA (1): The worst part is he invited that Lady Death woman over for dinner again.

GAMORA (2): He is, like, totally oblivious to the fact that she has no real interest in him.

(END PAGE)

Parenthood - Projecting - Grant McLaughlin

1 – A father walks into the nursery, drawn by his young daughter crying uproariously in her crib. It's nighttime, so the only light is coming from the nightlight.

LETTERING NOTE: The baby's crying should be large to emphasize its volume. The balloon could also potentially extend beyond either side of the panel, getting cut by the gutters to show just how loud (and neverending) it is.

BABY: Waaaaaugh!

FATHER: Aww, what's the matter, my little miracle?

2 – The father picks his daughter out of the crib, a warm – if tired – look on his face.

LETTERING NOTE: The crying can be getting quieter and smaller as the baby is calmed by her father's presence.

BABY: maaugh hm-maaugh

FATHER: Shhh. It's okay. Daddy's here.

3 – The father holds his daughter in front of himself. Their faces may be so close as to be touching (possibly foreheads together). The father smiles; the baby continues to calm down.

BABY: >tt<

FATHER: You just want to spend some extra time with your Daddy, don't you?

4 – The father raises his daughter up, holding her at a level higher than himself. She throws up, the vomit flying down towards him. He doesn't really have time to react to this – maybe he starts to grimace, but he's not going to avoid this fate.

FATHER: That's okay. I just want to spend time with yo--

BABY: blaa!

5 – The father stands in the room, baby still above his head, vomit dripping down his face. His expression isn't exactly readable (especially due to said vom).

NO COPY

6 – The father brings his daughter down, holding her with one arm and cleaning his face off with the other. Although he's not exactly impressed, he doesn't blame his daughter for this.

FATHER (1): I love you.

FATHER (2): I do.

 

FATHER (3): But I can't wait for you to stop doing that.

Parenthood: "May 29" --David Press.

PAGE ONE.

1.1: It’s winter time and we’re in my living room. I’m wearing fleece pants and a zip-up hoody, behind me the pellet stove is roaring and I’m still cold. Let’s take it from my wife’s perspective. She’s on the couch in the foreground of the panel and she’s watching me pace.

MEG:                                      What are you doing?

1.2: Opposite angle—I’m walking back the other way past my wife. This way we can see her on the red couch holding her belly.

ME:                                         I’m trying to find my slippers.

1.3: I sit down on the couch next to my wife. I’m facing her so the reader should be looking at the back of my head. Feel free to display a mild bald spot making its way across the back of my skull.

MEG:                                      Preggo brain must be contagious.

ME:                                         Nice.

MEG:                                      Nah, it’s just you.

1.4: I look sad. 

MEG [OP]:                             Wah wah.

                                                How depressing.

ME:                                         Again: Nice.

1.5: My wife looks confused. Maybe her head is tilted to the side, maybe she has her head tilted to the side.

MEG:                                      What? I don’t get it.

1.6: Same, but this time Meg is LAUGHING.

ME [OP]:                                Depressing.

MEG:                                      Oh.

                                                HAHAHAHA.

--END--

Why Parenthood?

I’m on my fifth book about birth and being a birth partner/expectant father/dad—I’m about two weeks away from that being physically true.

The fifth book is Home Game by Michael Lewis (Moneyball), I’ve read so much about being a new father and what to expect from the birth process that I’m going into a graduate school-fuque state. The best way to describe that symptom is, I guess, book overdose. I’m done. I don’t want to read about the subject anymore. The information is all the same at this point. But Lewis’s book is funny and hilarious and a journal to raising his two girls, and I’ve been keeping the same thing. Notes, questions, funny situations leading up to Tiny Human Press’s birth.

Am I worried about being a father? No—it’s why I became a writer, so I could be home with my future kids. Am I a fool? Probably. Will I even find time to write? Who knows. But if I'm absent from here for the next few weeks you all know why. What prompted this week’s theme is this article my wife sent me by David Roberts on Vox. In it, he writes that our day-to-day choices about being a parent have very little to do with our kid’s adult success—it has more to do with the environment in which we provide for them and paying attention to moments. How does one write about parenthood without being a parent? I don’t know, perhaps one could write about a funny situation with a parent, or just what you think parenthood looks like to you. Feel free to join us in the comments. I’m psyched to reading your parenting pages!