Doop - The Madding Crowd, Part 18 - Ray Wonsowski

See last week's post for previous chapter links...

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Panel 1- The dark side of the moon, the crater where Eclipso's castle has crumbled to rubble. ECLIPSO towers over the debris, a hundred feet tall, struggling and swatting wildly as he is losing his fight.  In the lower corners of the panel, HARRY DRESDEN and WILLIAM GRAVEL gesture magic with their left hands, firing large automatic pistols with their rights; the bullets curve and twist on arcs of magic.  The DARKNESS lets loose a wave of knife-like tendrils through a swarm of Darklings, both of which tear at Eclipso's legs.  ANDREW BENNETT has transformed into a were-bat, teeth bared at an exposed part of Eclipso's flesh.  HAWK lands a haymaker as DOVE shoves the CREEPER out of the way of one of Eclipso's swinging arms. SHADE unleashes a torrent of Madness from behind ECLIPSO, taking him by surprise, the tide finally turning in our heroes' favor...

CAPTION: (doopspeak, ellipsis at the end)

CAPTION: Waitaminnit...

Panel 2- Schoolroom at the Jean Grey School. Should be elementary school style chipper, you know, kids' art on the walls, alphabet cards that read "A is for ATOM" and "B is for BEAST", colorful carpet.  Panel left are a bunch of grade school mutant kids aged 7 to 10, one has antennae, another with scales, another with blue skin, etc, all sitting cross-legged on the floor, about half waving their hands in the air.  Panel right is DOOP, breaking the 4th wall by looking at us exasperatedly, steamlines from the top of his head.  He is wearing a mortarboard and tassel, and holding a storybook open to the page showing the above panel.

MUTANT KID 1: How're they able to breathe on the moon?

MUTANT KID 2: (to Mutant Kid 1) Mebbe its the Blue Area, yo...

MUTANT KID 3: How come there isn't any girls in the story?

MUTANT KID 4: Whatabout the Dark Ryu part, where he mentioned Dr. Wizor? Whatabout...

MUTANT KID 5: Why can't we read anything by Mark Waid?

DOOP: (grumbly doopspeak)

Next episode: ?!?

Doop – Doop For You – MK Stangeland Jr.

Doop – Doop For You – MK Stangeland Jr.

(5 Panels)

Panel 1: An armored truck, flanked from the from the front and rear by unmarked black vans pulls into a nondescript warehouse. In the lead van is BATROC THE LEAPER.

BATROC (1): Muah ha!

BATROC (2): Success!

Panel 2: BATROC and his armed henchmen load out, with BATROC heading for the back of the armored truck.

BATROC: A successful heist, and not un signe of any heroic interference!

Panel 3: BATROC opens the truck, but is taken aback by what’s inside.

BATROC: *LE GASP!*

Panel 4: BATROC holds up a DOOP squeaky toy. It turns out the truck is full of similar toys, rather than the valuable goods that BATROC thought he had stolen.

BATROC: I spoke too soon!

SFX: SqueEEa

Panel 5: DOOP is in front of the REAL armored truck, shaking the hand of a security guard over a job well done. He wears a security hat, but mostly just for kicks.

BATROC: It looks as though we have been…Dooped.

(END PAGE)

Doop - Wild Card - Grant McLaughlin

1 - Doop sits at a card table, a determined expression on his face as he floats above his chair.  I feel like it wouldn't be out of place for him to have one of those silly looking card visor hats.

CAPTION: Earth's only hope.

2 - Pull out to show Doop sitting at a round table with three other mean looking characters.  There's a huge minotaur-esque alien (who is multi-coloured and maybe has lasers for horns - think a psychodelic C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa but way meaner), a translucent creature that appears to be made almost entirely out of tentacles, and a classic boxy looking robot (also mean).  Another alien stands next to the table as dealer, dealing out some cards.

CAPTION: A spot he knows all too well.

3 - Close in on Doop again, he holds his cards close, a worried look crossing his brow.  Maybe throw in some beads of sweat (assuming Doop sweats).

CAPTION: But everyone falters eventually.

4 - Back to the table.  Doop asks a question.  The minotaur responds insolently (in body language and words).  Cards are spread all along the table top, face down.

CAPTION: Is today the day?

DOOP: [completely incomprehensible Doop speak]?

MINOTAUR: Go fish.

Doop - DOOPle-Oh-Seven - Travis M. Holyfield

Panel 1: A dead-on replication of the signature James Bond "Gun Barrel" opening, with Doop, in a black tuxedo, pointing a Walther PPK straight at us.

CAPTION: GREENFINGER!!!

CAPTION: He has a bod like a po-ta-to!

Panel 2: Doop, wearing a parka with a fur-lined hood, skis down a mountain side. Well, he is holding ski poles, but as he has no legs, so that's about it. Bad guys on snowmobiles pursue him, firing short bursts from machine guns.

Panel 3: Doop, wearing a white tuxedo, sits at a baccarat table in some incredibly posh casino. He holds his cards lazily in one hand, staring smugly at his opponent, who is off-panel. A stack of martini glasses has grown next to him. A beautiful blonde woman in a ridiculously low-cut evening gown sits incredibly close to him, her eyes filled with lust and adoration. 

Panel 4: Doop is manacled to a table, while a laser beam cuts upwards towards him. (A direct rip from the "Do you expect me to talk?" scene from Goldfinger.

Panel 5: Doop is in a heart-shaped bed. The sheets are pulled up to cover his lower body. Three gorgeous women in lingerie, one blonde, one brunette, one redhead, lay sprawled about the bed in a state of post-coital comatose. Doop's hands are behind his head in a pose of deep self-satisfaction.

Panel 6: The Jean Grey School. The legs of ICEMAN, RACHEL GREY, and WARBIRD are in a semi-circle, focused on the drooling, unconscious body of Doop. He is lying on a beanbag chair, surrounded by empty bags of chips, open pizza boxes, and discarded beer cans.  He is covered in VHS tapes of James Bond movies.  A TV in the background shows static.

ICEMAN: Yeah. I am NOT gonna be the one who wakes him up.

Why Doop?

Doop was said to be the product of a Cold War era U.S. military experiment, becoming instrumental in the fall of the Soviet Union.

He later served as the cameraman for the celebrity mutant superhero team X-Statix (formerly known as X-Force). He films a mission to North Africa which is later criticized by then-team leader Zeitgeist; he feels Doop should not be going for artistic shots. The next X-Force mission is to New York, where they are to rescue the boy band "Boyz R Us" from hostage takers. While in the briefing room, U-Go Girl asks Doop not to keep shooting her rear from a low angle. Doop replies in his language only the characters know, while inexplicably mouthing some of his recording equipment.

The building is attacked by a helicopter gunship, killing the hostages and many of the terrorists. Most of the team dies also, with the exception of Doop, U-Go Girl and Anarchist. Doop gets high-quality images of the two slaying the remaining killers.

Plush Doop dolls are seen on sale at the X-Statix cafe, for five dollars apiece. One of these is vandalized by Wolverine.

At one point, Doop secretly videotapes the rookie X-Statix member El Guapo succumbing to the temptations of fame and having a threesome. The released video destroys El Guapo's relationship with his original girlfriend.

A section of X-Force headquarters is set aside for Doop's family, who are never seen in panel. This part is talked about very little by the team. The team hides in this area when they believed themselves to be in supernatural danger