Unknown Soldier - Escalation - Dan Hill

Panel 1

Wide panel. An establishing shot looking out across Kandhaq. We’re focused on an area that looks like Tahrir Square. There are thousands of people protesting. Above them, speaking on a small makeshift stage, is the female UNKNOWN SOLDIER (from here). Her head is swathed in bandages, and she’s dressed in the clothes we last saw her in. She punches a fist to the heavens.

Letterer’s Note: The Voice captions are black background with white text.

1 CAPTION/The Voice: You were stupid. You demanded revolution.

2 CAPTION/The Soldier: It was needed.

Panel 2

Wide panel. The crowd is being dispersed and broken up by SOLDIERS brandishing riot shields and batons. This isn’t a simple sweep and clear. This is skulls being smashed, blood being spilt -- absolute carnage. Somewhere in the chaos the UNKNOWN SOLDIER is dragged away by CIVILIANS as she tries to pull herself free, wanting to join the fight.

3 CAPTION/The Voice: They have too much to lose, a single voice holds no sway.

4 CAPTION/The Soldier: Nothing changed.

5 CAPTION/The Soldier: I failed.

Panel 3

A thin, wide, horizontal panel. Nothing but black. Text in white.

6 TEXT/The Voice: This isn’t about you. It never was.

Panel 4

Wide panel. Tight on the UNKNOWN SOLDIER as she looks out of the panel towards us, a dark background behind her. Her eyes stare at us from beneath the bandages, her teeth gritted in the midst of an angry sermon we’re not privy to.

7 CAPTION/The Voice: Cast out revolution.

8 CAPTION/The Voice: Bury your ego.

Panel 5

Wide panel. We ZOOM OUT to see she’s flanked by others, all dressed in civilian clothes, their heads swathed in the iconic bandages of The Unknown Soldier. Some brandish ASSAULT RIFLES. All of them face us. A strip of text runs across the bottom of the image, telling us we’re watching a news broadcast.

The text reads: “Unknown Soldiers release manifesto online - group calls for end too --”

8 CAPTION/The Voice: And carve change into the flesh of history.

Why Thought Balloons? - Dan Hill

When thinking about what Thought Balloons meant to me, I always came back to the things it taught me. Plus, everyone likes listicles. So, here are three valuable things Thought Balloons gave me:

1) Economy - When you only have one page, space matters. You can tell a complete story in one page, or hint at a larger one, but you have to be ruthless. For a page to hit, it has to be pared down to its base components.

What idea are you trying to get across in the page? What larger themes, stories or character beats, are you hinting at? All of these elements have to be taken into account and then ratcheted in on. There's no space for fancy flourishes or sprawling monologues.

This brings me to dialogue. Never at a premium anyway in comics, it has even less room with one page. Every word counts.

Cut, and cut some more, cut until only the essential survives.

2) Consistency is key - Writers write. Some of it may not see the light of day, some of it moves around and changes in the future, but finishing and consistency is key.

With Thought Balloons one page had to go up every week without fail. What this kind of deadline does is begin to strip away any pretensions you have about the work. You can't be too precious. Sometimes the page will work, firing on all cylinders, sometimes it won't, and the words will just sit there like ab-rollers, pristine copies of War and Peace, and other things you thought were a good idea at the time. Deadlines are agnostic. The work has to go out anyway.

The notion of a weekly deadline also gives you another valuable writing lesson -- the key to leveling up your skills is consistency. Finish.

Done is the engine of More.

3) Camaraderie - When you're in the trenches with someone week in, week out, bonds start to form. This can be seen in the larger comics community too. Team #makecomics is a big family, one that wants to see everyone do their best work.

Thought Balloons taught me the value and importance of feedback. Writing is a solitary game. Sometimes we can be too close to a script, not seeing problems and potential changes because we're a slave to our individual visions. But a fresh set of eyes can cull the weeds, see heretofore invisible patterns, and make you aware of alternative approaches.

When you find those who bring out the best in your work hold them close. They'll be your allies in the battles that lie ahead.

My stint at Thought Balloons introduced me to a bunch of like-minded people who I now consider confidantes, collaborators, and most of all, friends.

It taught me that I can do this.

We can do this.

- Dan Hill

Twilight Zone -Roots -Dan Hill

PAGE TWENTY TWO

22.1

CLOSE UP on a FOOD CRATE swaying slightly, suspended by a pulley and rope (/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Crate.webp).

    CAPTION:    “He knows now. He knows how it’s all supposed to play out.”

22.2

A close up on MELVIN LEVY, a goofy but confident Jewish kid in his early twenties. He’s wearing a US ARMY uniform. Around him we can see palm trees and a blue sky. Levy is performing some kind of skit, doing an impression of an officer and pulling a funny face.

We’re on the island of Leyte, circa 1944.

    CAPTION:    “This is the 425th iteration of this event. This isn’t some time loop, paradox or alternate dimension.”

22.3

We pan around to see Levy’s audience, a crowd of laughing US ARMY TROOPS, falling about themselves with laughter.

A young, dark haired and intense-looking PRIVATE in the audience is the only one not laughing.

    CAPTION:    “These are the young privates nightmares, nightmares he’s had every day since Melvin Levy told his last joke.”

22.4

Back on the CRATE as it falls free of the rope holding it.

    CAPTION:    “He’s seen every possible way this event could play out. But he knows he’s powerless to stop it from happening the way it did.”

   CAPTION:    “This is how it was supposed to be.”

22.5

We CUT TO a shot of ROD SERLING talking to us/camera, dressed in his trademark suit and tie.  Behind him we can see Leyte and the palm trees as all of the SOLDIERS rush forward, crowding around the decapitated corpse of Melvin Levy.

The dark haired and intense-looking PRIVATE remains exactly where he is.

    CAPTION:    “These are Private Serling’s first steps…”

22.6

Push in on SERLING.

    CAPTION:    “...into the Twilight Zone.”

Why Twilight Zone?

So, depending where this entry falls in the Thought Balloons space-time continuum it might be apparent that this here is my final week here at Thought Balloons. If this hasn’t been revealed beforehand, it has now. There’s a lot I could say, but I only have so much room so I’m going to paraphrase from the email I sent to Ben explaining my decision.

I knew that this day would come sooner or later, I just didn’t think it would be this soon. With Curriculum, my column at The Weekly Crisis, looking for work in a city the other side of the country, an editing gig and getting my own projects off the ground I found it increasingly hard to carve out time to put quality scripts out on a consistent basis for Thought Balloons. I have no desire to put out substandard scripts for a site I value and treasure so much. Something has to give, and in this instance it’s unfortunate that it has to be Thought Balloons.

I’ve valued my time at the site highly. It’s taught me so much about my own process, what I’m capable of, as well as introducing me to a group of talented writers I’m honoured to have been a part of and who I can proudly call friends.

This wasn’t an easy choice to make, but one that had a certain sense of inevitability about it.
And so to my pick.

Twilight Zone.

I have waxed lyrical on Twitter, Tumblr and to anyone who will listen about my love for this show. Even now, decades after its creation ,the show holds up as an example of clever, crisp and engaging entertainment. Its creator Rod Serling is amongst my literary heroes and his impact on popular culture cannot be stated enough. The show also attracted many other writing heavyweights such as Charles Beaumont, Richard Matheson and Ray Bradbury.

Any conceivable genre could be played with (westerns, sci-fi, drama, horror), stretched, poked and prodded into something new. The settings and characters could be historical or fantastical but, like all good drama, they spoke to something we could relate to. This could be the small town paranoia of The Monsters From Maple Street, the yearning for youth and nostalgia explored in Walking Distance or the notion of beauty in Eye of the Beholder.

Twilight Zone could be anything.

The comics of the same name are a mixed bag, alternating from original content to adaptations of episodes gone by. I’ll admit the connection this week is tenuous. But, as it’s my last week, hopefully my fellow TB-er’s (and those of you at home) will indulge me one last time and come up with some fantastic one page strips.

Okay, Rod, play me out…

“You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension— a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.”

Predator -Foo Fighter -Dan Hill

PAGE 22

22.1

WIDE PANEL, a shot of a long dark corridor bathed in shadow. A few bodies can be seen strewn about at various intervals down the corridor.

    CAPTION:        “What the hell are you?”

    CAPTION:        “Come on...lets get a closer look at you.”

22.2

CUT TO somewhere in the depths of the facility, and a CLOSE UP on SGT ROCK. His face is partly bathed in shadow but a strip of light cuts across his eyes suggesting he’s looking at the scene before him from the ventilation system.

    SGT ROCK:        Awful lot of activity, whoever you are.

22.3

ANGLE ON BULLDOZER (Rock’s second in command), close to him in the vents.

    BULLDOZER:        Ah geez, boss, you seein’ what I’m seein’ ?

22.4

WIDE PANEL from Rock and Bulldozer’s point of view. We’re looking out of the ventilation system into the main area inside one of the hangar buildings.

The majority of the panel is taken up by a PREDATOR SHIP surrounded by scaffolding and a team of NAZI ENGINEERS. They’re trying to cut the ship into sections, to reverse engineer it.

A few yards away we see an OXYGEN TENT, the flaps at the end open a few feet.

    CAPTION:        “ ‘Fraid so. Looks like we have a visitor.”

22.5

INSET PANEL on the bottom right of 22.6; a CLOSE UP on the inhabitant of the oxygen tent, an injured but very much alive PREDATOR.

    CAPTION:        “I thought they’d be greener.”

Killeroo -Bad to Worse -Dan Hill

PAGE TWENTY TWO

22.1

WIDE PANEL, a beautiful golden beach, waves lapping at the shore, a cloudless sky on the horizon.

Paradise, yo.

NO COPY

22.2

WIDE PANEL, as before, only this time KILLEROO lands with some impact onto the golden sand. He’s wearing tactical gear, a tattered parachute trailing behind him, and he looks suitably bruised and battered.

In the background we see a trail of black smoke threading through the sky and downwards towards the sparkling blue ocean on the horizon.

    SFX:            BOOMF

22.3

CLOSE UP on KILLEROO’s face in the surf and sand. He’s not a fan of sand or having his plane blown out of the sky so he looks pissed off.

    NO COPY

22.4

KILLEROO is on his back now, propped up slightly on his elbow.

    KILLEROO:        Oh, sod off.

22.5

WIDE PANEL, heading towards the tiny atoll is an armada of grinning genetically altered sharks (they look like DC’s Killer Shark).

Oh, and they’re all riding jet-skis. The one in the middle is the leader because he has a rocket launcher.

    NO COPY

Armour -Under My Skin -Dan Hill

PAGE ONE

1.1

WIDE PANEL, a street somewhere in downtown New York. It’s early evening and rain lashes down from the heavens, neon shining through the downpour.

    CAPTION:        “I thought you’d understand.”

1.2

Push in on a doorway at the bottom of a set of steps below street level. The door lies open, with a burly looking man with some serious ink, a shaved head, a wife beater and a pair of leather pants slumped unconscious against the doorframe.

The leather pants are horrific. He probably deserved it.

    CAPTION:        “Well, I don’t. So spell it out for me kid.”

1.3

CUT TO a CLOSE UP on a worried, weaselly looking man in his late twenties. He wears a bandana and a black vest. He also has some serious ink. He looks up worryingly at three familiar blades coming in from the top right of the panel.

    CAPTION:        “I’m not a kid anymore.”

1.4

CUT TO a close up on LOGAN. He’s wearing a leather jacket and jeans. He looks angry.

    LOGAN:        Well, you’re acting like it.

    VOICE (OFF):        It’s armour okay--

1.5

WIDE PANEL, CUT TO a medium shot of HISAKO sitting in a leather chair. We can see that we’re in a dingy looking tattoo parlour. The weaselly looking guy sits nearby, a tattoo gun shaking in his hand.

HISAKO is wearing a wife beater too and is now sporting a half sleeve tattoo (something like this maybe /-fQQocoHiJBA/UXDqAxlknZI/AAAAAAAABMg/7HisKh4sr_U/s400/koi-fish-tattoos-7.webp).

    HISAKO:        Just a different kind.

Galactus -Fantastic Voyage -Dan Hill

Page 1

Panel 1: A wide establishing shot of the FANTASTIC FOUR all buckled into seats inside a small submersible type craft. REED is at the controls, SUE sits next to him in the co-pilot’s chair. BEN and JOHNNY fool around in a pair of chairs behind them.

1. REED (caption):        A lot of people tell me I’m tightly wound.

2. REED:                       Knock it off back there!

3. JOHNNY:                  Confined spaces and Ben’s new high fibre diet are not agreeing with me.

4. BEN:                         Yeah? Shut yer yap, Eau du Brimstone.

5. REED (caption):        That I seek out challenges and stressful situations.

Panel 2: On REED, tense and serious.

6. REED (caption):        They’d be right.

7. REED:                       Look!

8. REED (caption):        But I exercise regularly. I eat well.

Panel 3: Large panel, the craft the group are in (something like this /images_3/AQUA_submersible_side_large.webp)  floats through a cosmic void. Kirby crackle sparks and misfires all around them and the craft is heading for a unnaturally red, pulsing star in the centre of the panel, far far in the background.

9. REED (caption):        The same can’t be said for Galactus.

10. REED (caption):        He eats anything.

11. REED (caption):        And now the supernova he calls a heart is about to go critical.

11. REED (caption):        This would be a very bad thing.

Panel 4: Inset panel in the upper left of Panel 3, a close up on SUE.

13. SUE:            It’s beautiful.

Panel 5: Inset panel on the bottom left of Panel 3, a close up on REED.

14. REED:            Magnificent.

Panel 6: Inset panel on the top right of Panel 3, a close up on JOHNNY.

15. JOHNNY:            Wait, that’s his heart?

Panel 7: Inset panel on the bottom right of Panel 3, a close up on (yep, you guessed it) BEN.

16. BEN:            I don’t like this. I don’t like any of this.  

Panel 8: Wide panel, the pulsating red star fills the frame.

17. REED (caption):        Surgery on a demi-god?

18. REED (caption):        Just another challenge. Just another stressful situation.

Kick Ass - Heads Will Roll -Dan Hill

PAGE 1

A nine panel grid.

Panel 1: A man runs down a deserted city street. He’s in his early 20’s and dressed in an immaculately tailored Italian suit that just cries ‘money’. Probably criminal money.

NO COPY

Panel 2: The man skitters into a side alley, looking over his shoulder as he does so.

NO COPY

Panel 3: The man skids to a halt, faced with a dead end.

NO COPY

Panel 4: The man has his back to the wall, turned towards the mouth of the alley. He holds his hands up. He’s terrified.  

1. MAN:         Oh, God. Please no.

Panel 5: Fixed panel. The man raises his hands some more, fear and hysteria enveloping him.

2. MAN:         Please, I’ll do anything, but--

Panel 6: Fixed panel. A katana swords cuts an arc from the left of the panel to the right, severing the man’s hands at the wrist and decapitating him in one swift motion. A geyser of blood shoots up from the neck.

3. SFX:         Thwwwwwush

Panel 7: We cut to Hit Girl, sword in hand standing in the alley. Her face and costume are soaked with blood. She looks down at her handiwork.

NO COPY

Panel 8: Fixed panel. Hit girl looks up, straight at us.

4. HIT GIRL:         What?

Panel 9: Fixed panel. As before.

5. HIT GIRL:         Did you see the way he was dressed?

6. HIT GIRL:         He was asking for it.