DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED-"Grammar"--David Press

PAGE ONE.

1.1: A TEACHER with a COMPUTER for a head stares at a classroom. Amongst the sleeping, hungover students are RED, YELLOW, and DUCK. Perhaps you can take this from the perspective of behind the Teacher's shoulder? 

1. COMPUTER:                     Who can distinguish between the passive versus the active voice?

1.2: In a flash of rainbow light a TOILET appears in the center of the classroom. The Teacher jumps back.

2. TOILET:                             IT’S EASY!

2B:                                          The toilet was clogged by me.

1.3: Yellow flips out in the background. He’s jumping out of his seat.

3. YELLOW:                          That’s the passive. “I clogged the toilet!”

1.4: Duck is up in front of the room and has grabbed the Teacher by his sweater vest.

4. DUCK:                               Don’t be passive! Be active!

1.5: Duck gives the teacher a SWIRLIE, but a godawful one. Blood splashes out of the Toilet as if it’s Old Faithful.

SFX:                                       FLUSH!

1.6: The Toilet EXPLODES spraying poop and Teacher Computer PartS everywhere.

SFX:                                       SPLAT!

DHMIS - Chores Are Endless Fun - Perry Kent

Panel 1

An anthropomorphic vacuum sings while the characters sit around their living room. Red Guy, Yellow Guy, and Duck look on with confusion.

1. Vacuum:    It’s time to do your chores! Chores are things you have to do.

2. Vacuum:    It helps your parents find more time to love you!

Panel 2

Duck puts a box of “Oats” in the cupboard in the kitchen. Vacuum cheers him on.

3. Duck:    Like putting things away?

4. Vacuum:    Yes!

Panel 3

Yellow Guy scrubs at the carpet in a living room with a brush. Vacuum cheers him on.

5. Yellow Guy:    Like cleaning the floor?

6. Vacuum:    Close enough...

Panel 4

Red Guy carries a bag of trash through the living room, where Yellow Guy still scrubs at the floor. Vacuum cheers him on.

7. Red Guy:    Like taking out the trash?

8. Vacuum:    Very good!

Panel 5

The trash bag that Red Guy is carrying, bursts littering the carpet with disgusting trash. The trash is utterly putrid, being made of spoiled meats and produce. Vacuum wears an inane smile.

9. Red Guy:    Oh, oops.

10. Vacuum:    That’s OK. You tried your best.

Panel 6

A worried Yellow Guy scrubs furiously at the carpet that has the disgusting garbage on it. Vacuum leers over him with a terrifying expression.

11. Vacuum:    You just keep cleaning until you get it right!

- END -

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared – Oblivion – MK Stangeland, Jr.

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: RED GUY, YELLOW GUY, and DUCK GUY, at the table. They’re all looking at an individual – ‘OBLIVION’ - who looks like a human-shaped void in the fabric of reality, but with ominous glowing eyes.

DUCK GUY: Who are you even supposed to be?

Panel 2: DUCK GUY vanishes from existence, a small ‘blink’ indicator of some kind occupying the space he was previously sitting. RED GUY and YELLOW GUY look toward where DUCK GUY used to be, both screaming in terror.

RED GUY & YELLOW GUY: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

OBLIVION: OBLIVION!

Panel 3: RED GUY and YELLOW GUY start running around like chickens with their heads cut off as the furniture around them blinks out of existence.

RED GUY & YELLOW GUY: GUAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

OBLIVION: LET NONE ESCAPE MY FATE! I AM…

Panel 4: The scene has vanished from around them, replaced by a plain white background. RED GUY and YELLOW GUY are still running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Not to be outdone, they have been joined by an actual chicken with its head cut off, which is leaving a bloody mess around it as it runs.

RED GUY & YELLOW GUY: AAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OBLIVION: OBLIVION!

Panel 5: The white background has been replaced by a star-filled void. OBLIVION is no longer present, but his eyes take up a large portion of the background, as if he IS the background. RED GUY, YELLOW GUY, and the HEADLESS CHICKEN are floating about in an aimless panic.

OBLIVION: Nothing left but endless nothing!

Panel 6: Black panel, with the word ‘OBLIVION’ across it in very large type.

(END PAGE)

DHMIS - Budgets - Grant McLaughlin

1 - Red guy, yellow guy, and duck are sitting at their kitchen table, a piggy bank dancing along its top as gold coins rain from above.

PIGGY BANK: Frugal spending can hit the spot.

2 - Focus on the piggy bank as it removes the stopper on its tummy to reveal the contents within.  Instead of a plastic inside, like you'd expect, have some viscera and guts being revealed / spilling out, with a small amount of coins visible or also falling out.  The background could go somewhat darker to reflect the turn.

PIGGY BANK: But a penny saved isn't really a lot.

3 - Back on the ground around the table, but masks of various variety have appeared on their heads (maybe have little lines or whatever to emphasize the sudden appearance).  Red guy has a balaclava type thing, his long hair coming out from the bottom; yellow guy has pantyhose on his head, which looks to tight and very uncomfortable; duck has a domino mask, reaching up in surprise to touch it; and the piggy bank has a Richard Nixon mask awkwardly attached to the front of its face.  The stopper could be back in the piggy bank's tummy, although there's perhaps still some viscera on the table.  Through the window in the background, we can see that it's raining.

PIGGY BANK (1): So if you don't have the patience.

PIGGY BANK (2): To build your savings up slow.

DUCK: What is this?

YELLOW GUY (quietly): I can't breathe...

RED GUY: No thank you.

4 - The group has been transported to a bank that they look to be in the midst of robbing.  The piggy bank stands on the ledge in front of a teller, holding a gun as they put money in a bag.  Duck holds a shotgun aimed at the ceiling, which appears to have been recently fired as smoke rises from its barrel.  Yellow guy is fainting due to his aforementioned inability to breath.  Red guy holds a shotgun as well, looking on as Yellow guy falls over.  There are other puppets in the background, crouched and covering their heads, clearly hostages in the situation.

PIGGY BANK (1): You'll be quite happy to hear.

PIGGY BANK (2): That there's another way to go.

DUCK: I don't like it.

RED GUY: Oh, bother.

DHMIS - Geography - P. A. Nolte

1/ Red Guy, Yellow Guy, and the Duck are sitting in their living room.  There are artifacts from their experiences, but not many.

Duck: We should go on a trip!
Red Guy: But where on Earth should we go?
Yellow Guy: I am a-- afraid...
Duck: Maybe we should look at the map?
Red Guy: Maybe then we'll know...

2/ As the trio turn to a confusing map on the wall, an aggressive-looking globe appears on the opposite side of the room, knocking some of the other objects off the bookcase and starting to sing.  It's eerily similar to their previous experience with the computer.

The Globe:
The globe is a sphere where the continents live
Floating around on the oceans
The land divides down into diff-er-ent countries
For people with diff-er-ent notions

3/ The Red Guy rolls his eyes.

Red Guy: Not again...

Why Don't Hug Me I'm Scared?

Where to begin?  Hmm.  Well, it's a kids' show.  Kind of.  But do not let your kids watch it.  I mean it!  Unless you don't like your kids?  Like Roy.  Roy certainly doesn't like his kid.  ...I've said too much already.

Across its six episodes, DHMIS seeks to educate its audience about creativity, time, love, technology, healthy eating, and dreams.  And it does.  Sort of.  Except that those lessons aren't always as... honest as they appear.

In case I haven't made it entirely clear, it can be difficult to express what DHMIS is really about to someone who hasn't watched the series, and the series itself is by no means an easy watch.  If you've given it a try and not found it to your liking, these might encourage you to try again.

TLDR: The theme this week is education, the corruption of education, the decisions made by those doing both the educating and the corrupting, and the repercussions thereof.