Reboot – The Declassified Adventures of Baker & Grodd – MK Stangeland, Jr.

(For the record – No, I do not intend on using this as the basis for any future Baker & Grodd bits I write, it’s just a thematic one-off.)

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: ANIMAL MAN is outside a dimly lit cell inside a prison for super criminals. He gives the wall next to the cell a knock.

SFX: nuk nuk nuk

ANIMAL MAN (1): Knock-knock!

ANIMAL MAN (2): This is your wake-up call.

Panel 2: A hint of GORILLA GRODD can be seen peering out from the darkness of the cell.

GRODD: grrrr…

ANIMAL MAN: There you are, big guy.

Panel 3: ANIMAL MAN looks into the cell, where GRODD is still mostly hiding in the darkness of his cell, giving him a dark and scary appearance.

ANIMAL MAN (1): No need to play dumb, Grodd.

ANIMAL MAN (2): I’ve been very well informed about how smart you are.

ANIMAL MAN (3): Maybe even too smart for your own good.

Panel 4: GRODD continues to skulk in the darkness of his cell.

GRODD (1): Ha.

GRODD (2): What would a human weakling know about true intelligence?

Panel 5: ANIMAL MAN and GRODD look at each other through the cell viewport.

ANIMAL MAN (1): Aw - You wound me, Grodd.

ANIMAL MAN (2): See, they tell me you’re a criminal mastermind, and probably only avoided real punishment because they have no idea how to put a Gorilla on trial.

Panel 6: ANIMAL MAN looks happily ready to take on a challenge – perhaps disturbingly so.

ANIMAL MAN (1): You ask me?

ANIMAL MAN (2): I think you just need an attitude adjustment, Grodd.

(End Page)

Thought Balloons Year 5 – Baker & Grodd’s Homagetastic Adventure! – MK Stangeland Jr.

(Originally, I was planning on taking a page from Ben Rosenthal’s book and re-working a page I previously wrote but was unhappy with.

But then, when I thought about it, I realized the correct answer for this week would be to pay another visit to what I think has managed to become my signature duo here at Thought Balloons, the unlikely but always fun pairing of Animal Man and Gorilla Grodd.

Notably, this particular script is heavily based on a particular newspaper comic strip you may well recognize – bonus points to the first one to correctly guess which one!)

(4 Panels)

Panel 1: DARKSEID overlooks his minions as he prepares for war.

TITLE TEXT BOX: Baker & Grodd by Stangeland Jr.

ANIMAL MAN: (Text Box) We have a massive problem. Darkseid is getting ready to attack Earth. Again.

Panel 2: Human citizens as they go about their daily lives.

ANIMAL MAN: (Text Box) And we have no idea who to trust or how to stop him this time.

GRODD: (Text Box) BAH! Foolish weakling. I already have a solution!

Panel 3: Three gorillas fly through the air, SUPERMAN style, complete with capes. GRODD should be among them, and have a SUPERMAN style ‘G’ on his chest.

GRODD: (Text Box) KRPTONIAN-POWERED SUPER GORILLAS!!

Panel 4: Inlaid within the corner of PANEL 3. GRODD and ANIMAL MAN are discussing the issue. ANIMAL MAN is wary of GRODD’s plan, GRODD isn’t keen on ANIMAL MAN not liking it.

ANIMAL MAN: I’m not sure you’re taking this seriously, Mr. Grodd.

GRODD: I’m taking it seriously like you would not believe!

(END PAGE)

Gorilla Grodd - Gorilla My Dreams - R.A. Wonsowski

Layout:
1234
5678
9999

Panel 1- FLASH running toward us.
CAPTION: I.

Panel 2- Same as above, except a small bloody hole opens in FLASH's forehead, his brains exploding out the back of his head. NO COPY.

Panel 3- Repeat Panel 1.
CAPTION: Can't.

Panel 4- FLASH trips on a rock, stumbling. NO COPY.

Panel 5- FLASH impales himself on a spike that shoots up out of nowhere, sticking out his back. NO COPY.

Panel 6- Repeat Panel 1.
CAPTION: Stop.

Panel 7- a drone flies left to right, pulling a filament wire behind, in front of FLASH, about neck high. NO COPY.

Panel 8- The filament, now pulled taut, lops FLASH's head clean off, bloodlessly, an almost cartoonish expression on his face, like an Oh No. NO COPY.

Panel 9- Panel center, in a futuristic lab below Gorilla City, FLASH hangs from the ceiling, suspended face down, unconscious, an overlarge sensory-deprivation helmet over most of his head, wires leading to a monitor on the wall showing Panel 1. On the left, in what looks like a giant fishbowl etched with circuitry and runes, DANIEL, the son of Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, pounds on the glass in desperation, silently screaming. Panel right, GORILLA GRODD, wearing the Helm of Morpheus, wrings his hands with sadistic glee, a leather pouch full of dust dangles from a sash about his waist.

GRODD: ...thus in dreams shall the world of humans end...

GRODD: ...but first...

Gorilla Grodd – Baker & Grodd’s Psychotic Adventure! – MK Stangeland Jr.

(Admittedly, I was tempted not to do another edition of Baker & Grodd this week just to mess with you all. But these two are just too much fun to pull a stunt like that, honestly.)

(In this edition, ANIMAL MAN and GORILLA GRODD have found themselves on the wrong end of a PERSONALITY RAY built by the ULTRAHUMANITE, effectively reversing their normal personalities!)

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: ULTRAHUMANITE, in his lab, as he tries to hide. He remains relatively calm in spite of this, though with  the impression he realizes he’s bitten off more than he can chew.

ANIMAL MAN: (Off-Panel) HUMANITE! COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD!

Panel 2: ULTRAHUMANITE stops short as he just about runs into ANIMAL MAN. ANIMAL MAN looks particularly angry, verging on having a mild touch of evil to him. He also looks like he’s getting ready to strike. Surrounding him are the auras of a GORILLA and a HUMMINGBIRD.

ANIMAL MAN (1): There you are.

ANIMAL MAN (2): Revenge shall be mine!

ULTRAHUMANITE: Oh dear.

Panel 3: GORILLA GRODD throws himself at ANIMAL MAN with a tackle move, but doesn’t directly hit ANIMAL MAN. Instead, ANIMAL MAN is being tossed aside by a ‘telekinetic tackle’.

GRODD: I DO SAY!

ANIMAL MAN: Uughf!

Panel 4: GRODD grabs ANIMAL MAN. ANIMAL MAN is disheveled from GRODDs interference.

GRODD: This behavior is MOST unbecoming of you, Mr. Baker!

Panel 5: GRODD looks to ULTRAHUMANITE as he offhandedly tosses ANIMAL MAN across the room. ULTRAHUMANITE looks to be recomposing himself.

GRODD (1): Apologies for my friend here, Ultrahumanite.

GRODD (2): It appears as though he’s developed quite the anger issues!

ULTRAHUMANITE: No apologies needed.

Panel 6: GRODD leaps at ANIMAL MAN in an attempt to restrain him and get him under control.

GRODD (1): Oh irony of ironies!

GRODD (2): Long have I desired a moment such as this!

Panel 7: GRODD grabs ANIMAL MAN in a headlock.

GRODD (1): Yet now?

GRODD (2): I take no pleasure in it at all!

(END PAGE)

Gorilla Grodd - Monkey See - Grant McLaughlin

Apologies for the tardiness.

1 - Gorilla Grodd sits at a desk covered in books, papers, writings, and all manner of literary / academic signifiers.  He wears a smug look on his face, triumphantly closing the book he holds in one hand with a snap.

GRODD (1): At last!

GRODD (2): With our combined efforts, I will finally get my revenge on that despicable Flash!

VOICE (off-panel): Actually...

2 - Pull back to reveal that Deadshot stands on the other side of the desk.  We can perhaps focus on solely him this panel.  He can be cleaning his guns or whatever, only kind of paying attention.  (This is pre-New 52 Deadshot, natch.)

DEADSHOT (1): I've been meaning to ask you about that.

DEADSHOT (2): Why do you have such a hate-on for ol' Flashy?

3 - Now have both in the panel.  Grodd could perhaps have stood up from his chair, showing some annoyance at Deadshot's candour.  Deadshot maintains the same cocky, detached attitude he always has.

GRODD: What do you mean?  He's my nemesis.

DEADSHOT (1): And I get that, but what did he do to earn your bad blood?

DEADSHOT (2): Kill your best friend?

DEADSHOT (3): Steal your girl?

DEADSHOT (4): Or is moving really fast just the natural predator of super-intelligent, talking gorillas?

4 - Focus again on Grodd.  He beings to answer, but looks slightly hesitant.

GRODD: Well, you see...

5 - Same panel.  Grodd has stopped talking, wracking his brain for an answer.

NO COPY

6 - Grodd is back at the desk (reflecting panel 1), looking at his papers and books.  The light in the room is darker, as if the sun has set and Grodd has been sitting there a while.  A sheet of paper titled "Why I Hate the Flash" sits prominently in the middle of the desk (the reader doesn't need to see the whole title, but enough letters to be able to piece it together).  The important thing is that the paper is blank.  Grodd is perhaps chewing on his pencil or tapping his head in concentration.  He looks kind of worried.

NO COPY

Gorilla Grodd - Missing Link - Travis M. Holyfield

Setup: THE FLASH has just destroyed one of GORILLA GRODD'S nefarious doomsday devices. In order to do so, The Scarlet Speedster has had to vibrate at a speed and frequency he has never achieved before. At the last moment, Grodd grabs hold of the Flash and they are both whisked away in a crash of lightning!

Panel One: Exterior. Daytime. A clearing in a junglescape. Foliage creeps up to nearly waist high. A hill in the background looms up over the tree line.


Panel Two: Continuation of previous, but now a flash of lightning fills the panel and the forms of The Flash and Grodd spill out into the clearing.

SFX: KRA-KA-KOW!


Panel Three: The Flash zooms towards Grodd, his fist cocked back to strike.

FLASH: You maniacal monkey! The device was a trap! This was your plan all along!

FLASH: Where have you taken us?


Panel Four: Grodd grins knowingly at the Flash. In the background, a group of humanoid figures crest the hill, their features shadowed.

GRODD: Not where, Flash! WHEN!


Panel Five: Grodd glances over his shoulder towards the hill with a devilish grin. The Flash stares past him at the figures on the hill, his face a mask of grim determination.

FLASH: It doesn't matter where or when, Grodd! You're insane if you think I'll let you harm any innocent bystanders!

GRODD: Bystanders, Flash? I don't see bystanders...


Panel Six:  Closeup of the figures on the hill. It is DOCTOR ZAIUS and a squad of Gorilla soldiers! We are on the PLANET OF THE APES!

GRODD (CAPTION): "... I see reinforcements."

Why Gorilla Grodd?

Dude. Gorillas are awesome. Why are we even having this conversation?

In the world of awesome comic book gorillas, Grodd reigns supreme. He was created by the legendary Carmine Infantino, so right there you know he's got to be great. Grodd is a hyper-intelligent, telepathic, SUPER-gorilla, who got his powers, depending on when you started reading comics, from either an alien spacecraft or a radioactive meteor.

Regardless, Grodd and a group of other gorillas are forever changed, made super intelligent, and, in the case of Grodd and his nemesis Solovar, telepathic and telekinetic.

The gorillas construct a super advanced city named, perhaps somewhat obviously, Gorilla City, and everything is pretty cool until some silly humans stumble upon the place, giving Grodd the opportunity to take over the city and start a campaign of world domination. Solovar calls the Flash for help, and it's been speedster versus gorilla ever since.

Grodd's enjoying a bit of a renaissance these days, with an appearance on the new Flash TV show. But even before he hit big screen stardom, Grodd was always my favorite telepathic, homicidal, despotic gorilla. And now he can be yours.

(BTW, if this week doesn't get us another edition of "Buddy and Grodd" from MK Stangeland, I'm calling shenanigans. I ask for so little in this life.)

Christmas Special – Baker & Grodd’s Festive Adventure! – MK Stangeland Jr.

(The ever-unpredictable gift that keeps on giving adventures of ANIMAL MAN and GORILLA GRODD continue…)

(8 Panels)

Panel 1: The planes from the heart of AFRICA, where ANIMAL MAN and THE FLASH (WALLY WEST) are standing next to GORILLA GRODD’s invisible lair. ANIMAL MAN is dressed with a SANTA BEARD and HAT over his normal costume and carries a standard-design brown bag, while FLASH is wearing one of those silly ELF hats that has faux elf ears attached. ANIMAL MAN looks as pleased as ever, while FLASH looks unusually concerned about the situation – it’s more a concern for ANIMAL MAN than anything.

While the area around the invisible lair looks off, the surest sign that it’s actually there is the doorway that’s standing out in the open that GORILLA GRODD has opened, allowing us to see just a touch of the inside of the lair past the open door. GRODD looks very annoyed by the presence of ANIMAL MAN.

ANIMAL MAN (1): HO! HO! HO!

ANIMAL MAN (2): MERRY CHRISTMAS!

GRODD: YOU AGAIN!

Panel 2: GRODD points at FLASH as he comes just short of shouting in ANIMAL MAN’s face.

GRODD (1): What are you doing here, what is he doing here, and how did you even FIND this place?!

GRODD (2): This is supposed to be a top-secret invisible base!

Panel 3: THE FLASH facepalms as ANIMAL MAN responds to GRODD’s questioning. ANIMAL MAN looks highly pleased with himself.

ANIMAL MAN (1): Magic, Mr. Grodd!

ANIMAL MAN (2): Christmas magic! It is Christmas Eve, after all!

SFX: (From THE FLASH) *Facepalm*

Panel 4: Unamused reaction shot from GRODD.

Panel 5: GRODD slams the door shut as he disappears back into his invisible lair. THE FLASH does another faceplam. ANIMAL MAN holds a generic present box in his hand as his bag hangs in front of him.

GRODD: BEAT IT!

SFX: SLAM!

ANIMAL MAN (1): The proper term is ‘Bah Humbug!’, Mr. Grodd!

SFX: (From FLASH) *Repeat Facepalm*

ANIMAL MAN (2): And you forgot your present!

Panel 6: GRODD opens the door to his invisible lair again and slaps the box onto the ground out of ANIMAL MAN’s hand. ANIMAL MAN and FLASH both are taken aback at the sudden reaction.

SFX: (From GRODD hitting box) SLAP!

SFX: (From box hitting ground) klump

Panel 7: GRODD slams the door and disappears back into the invisible lair.

GRODD: (From invisible door) BAH HUMBUG!

SFX: SLAM!

Panel 8: ANIMAL MAN looks down at the ground where GRODD’s present currently sits. THE FLASH does yet another facepalm.

ANIMAL MAN: (Minimized) That’s, uh…the…spirit?

ANIMAL MAN: (Fading out) Not…uh…really? I think?

SFX: (From FLASH) *Continued Facepalm*

(END PAGE)

Space Cabby – Baker & Grodd’s Inexplicable Adventure! – MK Stangeland Jr.

(It’s been nearly two years since the last time we checked in on the unlikely yet fan-favorite duo of ANIMAL MAN and GORILLA GRODD – seems another visit is in order.

This time, the two found themselves somehow stranded far away from Earth! Good thing SPACE CABBY was there to lend a hand! Or is it…?)

(5 Panels)

Panel 1: ANIMAL MAN and GORILLA GROOD are stuffed in the back seat of SPACE CABBY’s SPACE CAB. ANIMAL MAN looks like he should be a lot more uncomfortable than he’s letting on, but he’s hiding just how squished he is right now for the sake of keeping thing – and GRODD – peaceful. In an unusual turn of events, SPACE CABBY looks concerned as he drives.

SPACE CABBY (1): Uh oh…

GRODD: ‘Uh Oh’ what?

SPACE CABBY (2): Seems we have a problem the likes of which I’ve never seen.

SPACE CABBY (3): I have no idea where we are!

Panel 2: GORILLA GRODD looks ready to get violent, but ANIMAL MAN is doing a pretty good job of holding him back. For the moment, at least.

GRODD: I swear, if you don’t fix that problem, I will feast on your brains!

ANIMAL MAN: My apologies for my friend here.

Panel 3: ANIMAL MAN looks at GRODD with a ‘tsk tsk shame on you’ look.

GRODD is not amused.

ANIMAL MAN: As I keep trying to tell him, he has anger issues.

Panel 4: ANIMAL MAN leans forward to see if he can help SPACE CABBY with his problem. He also looks secretly relieved to get a brief moment to stretch, if only just a little.

ANIMAL MAN: What seems to be the problem?

SPACE CABBY (1): I’m not quite sure.

SPACE CABBY (2): It’s almost as if…

BUGS BUNNY: (Off Panel) Eh…

SFX: *munch munch*

Panel 5: SPACE CABBY, ANIMAL MAN, and GORILLA GRODD all look out the windows. Standing there, leaning on the cab and enjoying a carrot is BUGS BUNNY.

This panel should also give us the first real good look at their surroundings, which should look like a wilderness scene taken from a LOONY TUNES cartoon.

BUGS BUNNY: Like ya took a wrong turn as Albaquoique?

SFX: *munch munch*

(END PAGE)

Planet of the Apes – Baker & Grodd’s Bogus Adventure! – MK Stangeland Jr.

AKA: Detour to the Planet of the Apes

BEHOLD! Tis the continuing adventures of one of Thought Balloons most unlikely and ridiculous team-ups as they inadvertently travel to another world…

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: ANIMAL MAN and GORILLA GRODD are in a separated cage, with APE SOLDIERS and a CHIMP in a suit – LOZAR - standing around them. LOZAR is pointing at GRODD.

LOZAR: Why is he in a cage?

COMMANDER YONGK: He attacked us. Violently.

ANIMAL MAN: You’ll have to forgive my…companion. He…

Panel 2: LOZAR turns to look at ANIMAL MAN. GRODD has a ‘I’m surrounded by morons’ look on his face.

LOZAR: He speaks?

GRODD (1): Of course he speaks, you idiot.

GRODD (2): It’s silencing him that is the difficult part.

Panel 3: LOZAR glares at GRODD.

LOZAR: Hmm…such disrespect.

Panel 4: GRODD reaches out of his cage in attempt to grab LOZAR. LOZAR backs off defensively to protect himself and keep from getting grabbed. The soldiers in the background have their weapons at the ready.

GRODD (1): YOU WANT DISRESPECT?

GRODD (2): Release me, and I’ll show you disrespect!

Panel 5: Beat panel. LOZAR looks at GRODD with a shocked look on his face.

Panel 6: LOZAR recomposes himself.

SFX: (LOZAR, clearing his throat.) Heh-hem

LOZAR (1): Well then. Have this…beast locked up. We’ll deal with him later.

LOZAR (2): Have the human brought to my office.

Panel 7: ANIMAL MAN and GRODD next to each other in their cages. GRODD looks furious. ANIMAL MAN has a ‘I told you so’ look to him.

ANIMAL MAN (1): It’s like I said, Mr. Grodd.

ANIMAL MAN (2): You have anger issues.

(END PAGE)

Animal Man – Baker & Grodd’s Outrageous Adventure! – MK Stangeland Jr.

(The efforts of ANIMAL MAN to avert a war between mankind and apes led by GORILLA GRODD have resulted in the two taking a road trip together.)

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: Arial shot of ANIMAL MAN and GORILLA GRODD riding in a jeep across a remote road in the African countryside. ANIMAL MAN is at the wheel.

ANIMAL MAN: Believe me, I want to be on your side, Mr. Grodd. I really do.

Panel 2: Panel set in front of the jeep as it drives down the road. GRODD looks rather annoyed at his present situation.

ANIMAL MAN (1): I’d like to think that the name ‘Animal Man’ isn’t just because of my powers.

ANIMAL MAN (2): I’d also like to think it’s because I’m a friend to all animals.

Panel 3: GRODD looks at animal man with a sinister scowl. His index finger presses against the side of an unconcerned ANIMAL MAN’s head.

GORILLA GRODD: Before we are through here, I will thoroughly enjoy consuming your brain.

Panel 4: Panel set not far ahead of where the jeep is, showing a bridge that GRODD and ANIMAL MAN are about to cross.

ANIMAL MAN: That is exactly the thing I’m talking about, Mr. Grodd.

Panel 5: Panel in front of the jeep. GRODD has his face in the palm of his hand as if to say ‘I can’t believe I’m putting up with this.’

ANIMAL MAN: Your constant aggression and threats to eat peoples brains is why I have such reservations about helping you.

Panel 6: ANIMAL MAN offhandedly points a finger at GRODD. GRODD looks forward as if to say ‘wait. Why should I have to put up with this?’

ANIMAL MAN (1): You know what I think, Mr. Grodd?

ANIMAL MAN (2): I think you have anger issues.

(END PAGE)