The Haunted Tank – Jeb Stuarts Wild Ride – MK Stangeland Jr.

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: A military cargo plane flies through the sky.

Panel 2: Back of the cargo plane – its back is open, and a high-tech looking TANK is rolling out the back end.

Panel 3: The TANK in free-fall, the plane it rolled out of high above it.

JEB STUART: (From inside tank) YEEE-HAW!

Panel 4: TANK fires jets to slow and right itself as it nears the ground.

SFX: kkkooooooooooooo

Panel 5: TANK lands safely on the ground.

SFX: thud

Panel 6: TANK in transition as it transforms into a tank mech suit.

SFX: wrk wrk wrk

Panel 7: TANK MECHA after final transformation. The ghost of JEB STUART’s horse stands on the MECHA’s shoulders as JEB sits on the horse.

JEB STUART: Man, do I ever love the future!

(END PAGE)

Haunted Tank - The More Things Change - Grant McLaughlin

Panels 1 and 2 make up row one, panels 3, 4, and 5 make up row two, and panel 6 is row three.

1 - Outside shot of National War Museum in New Orleans, Louisiana.  It's a beautiful, sunny day.  People are strolling about and enjoying the weather.

JAMIE (from within): I can't believe it's actually here.

2 - Inside the museum, two people stand looking at the Haunted Tank, which looks to be the institution's newest display.  The two figures are Jamie Stuart, a junior curator of the museum and granddaughter of Jeb Stuart (new character), and Valoric (who goes by Val).  If you were already aware of Viking Commando, that's some bonus points to you, but his role here is as an aged curator for the museum (he's old, but not as wizened as he should be due to reasons and Viking magic).

JAMIE: My grandfather used to tell me all sorts of stories about this tank...

VAL: It is certainly an amazing machine.

3 - Jamie turns to Val, a concerned / embarrassed look on her face.  Val smiles good-naturedly, happy to grant her request.

JAMIE: Um, would you mind if I take a moment alone with it?

VAL: I don't see why not.  Seems only fitting.

4 - Jamie stands before the tank, her hand on one of the treads.  Her eyes are closed.

NO COPY

5 - Jamie opens her eyes and pulls back her hand in (a positive) surprise as a familiar (to the reader) voice comes from off-panel.

GENERAL STUART (off-panel): Jamie...

JAMIE: You are real!

GENERAL STUART (off-panel): Of course I am!

6 - Pull back to show Jamie looking way surprised by the ghostly appearance of General Jeb Stuart.  The General looks the worse for wear, haggard and worn as if he's been up to some ghostly trouble.

GENERAL STUART: And I need your help.

Haunted Tank - Prog 3 - Ray Wonsowski

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends...

Continuing the prog-rock-fueled adventures of the Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna, having narrowly escaped a Thanagarian warcraft. Today's selection is based on "Tarkus" by (again) Emerson Lake & Palmer.

Panel 1 - The Haunted Tank is rolling over the snow-dusted Norwegian countryside, away from a decimated village, moving ahead toward the next Nazi stronghold, the Confederate flag flying in the winter wind.

(from within the Tank): ...this intel believable, Stuart? Nazi death camps?

(from within the Tank): Don't know, that's what we're on our way to find out...

Panel 2 - JEB STUART opens the hatch and pokes his head out, his breath visible in the winter cold. The ghost of GEN. STUART is foreground, pointing off panel, a look of confusion on his face.

JEB: Hey, Slim, why're you stopping?

GEN. STUART: What in tarnation...?

SLIM (from inside the Tank): You seeing this?

Panel 3 - POV from the tank turret. Standing in front of the Tank in the snow, ZAN and JAYNA standing beside the wreckage of their escape craft. They both have a "you gotta be kidding me" type smirk on their face.

ZAN: <Were you there to watch the earth be scorched? Did you stand beside the spectral torch?>

JAYNA: <Zan, please...that's a Tarkus?!?>

Panel 4 - Inset, the Twins' fists bump and spark.

ZAN: That's not a Tarkus...

Panel 5 - largest panel on page. JAYNA, panel left, has changed into a Tarkus, a bone-eating three-story tall red-eyed armadillo made from gleaming living metal and dragon scale, ready to roll on its muscled tank treads (instead of legs), its forearm cannons trained on the Haunted Tank, ready to breathe nuclear fire upon it. ZAN, tiny next to his sister's new form, gestures his arms toward her in a showman's "ta-da". The Tank, panel right, should be backing away almost cartoonishly as JEB slams the hatch shut. The Ghost, and his ghost horse, disappear in a wisp.

JAYNA/TARKUS: <THAT'S a Tarkus!!!>

GEN. STUART: Yipe!

...to be continued...

Why the Haunted Tank?

Because it's a HAUNTED TANK!

Hyah! Ride, ya damn yankees!

Sgt. Jeb Stuart commands an M3 tank that shares his name, and is haunted by the spirit of the Civil War General the tank is named after. They are part of the mechanical cavalry in the African theatre of WWII, fighting Nazis, ghost planes, and dinosaurs.

Yes, this happened. You're welcome.

Throughout the strip when it ran in G.I.Combat, the tank would get destroyed, put back together, rehaunted, blown up, replaced by an Abrams, re-rehaunted, and so on.  All in all, an off-the-wall concept, but when you consider that the only war comic that ran longer was Sgt. Rock, it obviously had a great deal of distance to go.

Gotta admit, I wish I thought of this one...

A Vertigo version put the ghost of Gen. Stuart (who commanded the armies of the Rebel South in the American war between the states) in a modern tank patrolling Iraq, and commanded by an African-American also surnamed Stuart, which was an interesting take on today's racial and global politic.

Hilarious! Family fun!

By the way, Thoughtballooners, if you feel like "playing at home", just leave your script in the comments below this post. You can't beat writing about a Haunted Tank!

...unless it's a Haunted Tank fighting a giant Nazi War Wheel!

BECAUSE IT'S A HAUNTED TANK!!!

Unknown Soldier - Out of the Blue, Into The Black - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: The Unknown Soldier stands in the bombing bay of the Enola Gay, staring at the atomic bomb dubbed "Little Boy".

Caption: HIROSHIMA, JAPAN, AUGUST 6, 1945

Caption(Unknown Soldier): THEY SAY IT'S BETTER TO BURN OUT THAN TO FADE AWAY.

Panel 2: The Unknown Soldier shoots refugees with the 2nd Battalion, US Cavalry Regiment at the No Gun Ri railroad bridge near Seoul.

Caption: NO GUN RI, SOUTH KOREA, JULY 27, 1950

Caption(Unknown Soldier): YOU COULD ARGUE THAT A GHOST, AN UNSEEN PRESENCE LIKE MYSELF IS AS FADED AS A MAN CAN GET.

Panel 3: We see a helicopter spraying Agent Orange in Vietnam. Maybe put in an inset showing that the Unknown Soldier is the pilot, maybe not.

Caption(Unknown Soldier): AND I'VE DONE A HELL OF A LOT OF BURNING IN MY TIME.

Panel 4: We see the Unknown Soldier driving an Abrams tank in Afghanistan. The ghost of Colonel J.E.B. Stuart floats next to him. The Unknown Soldier is much older now. We can see G.I. Robot also manning the tank.

CAPTION(Unknown Soldier): NOW THEY'VE GOT ME STUCK WITH THIS COLLECTION OF FREAKS, AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE GLAD TO BE DYING.

CAPTION(Unknown Solder): YES, I'VE GOT ONE YEAR TO LIVE, AND IF I CAN USE THAT YEAR TO DO THE ONLY THING I'VE EVER KNOWN HOW TO DO IN WHAT HAS TO BE THE STRANGEST MISSION THE UNITED STATES MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX EVER COOKED UP, THEN THIS CANCER MAY WELL BE THE GREATEST GIFT I'VE EVER GOTTEN.