Kick Ass – Perfect Punch – Brian Manton

[16 panel grid]

1.
Two street thugs, Phillie and Needles, root through a handbag they have just stolen.  Kick Ass is approaching in the bkg.

2.
OTS Kick Ass as he points a baton at them. They look at him, neither surprised or intimidated.

3.
KA swings the baton but Phillie grabs it.

4.
Phillie now holds KA's arm behind is back while Needles punches him in the stomach.

5.
Phillie pushes KA towards Needles.

6.
KA swings an uppercut landing it powerfully on Needle's jaw.

7.
Phillie kicks KA in the ass and Needles hammer punches the back of his head with clasped hands.

8.
KA is on the ground, facing us. He grabs Needles's leg. Phillie kicks him in the back.

9.
Needles stamps on KA's face. Phillie makes an "oooh" wincing face.

10.
Phillie and Needles move in front of KA obscuring our view as they both stamp on him.

11.
They stop and look at each other, checking that they've each had enough fun with this.

12.
Needles takes KA's batons. Phillie spits on KA.

13. Full bottom tier.
Kick Ass lying on the ground, battered and bloody, eyes barely holding open. His assailants walk away in the background.

A thought balloon extends from Kick Ass's head. The thought balloon contains the same shot as panel 6.

CAP:  Kick ass!

Kick-Ass - The Fault in Our Stars, intermezzo - R.A. Wonsowski

Panel 1 - KICK-ASS on the ground, beat up, propped against a mailbox under a streetlight.  He's had seven shades of crap kicked out of him.  His costume is torn, he is bleeding profusely, fifteen or so purple-fletched arrows stick out of him like a pincushion, and one of his batons is sticking out of his toothless mouth.  One of the arrows has a note attached, reading "NO ONE takes my place.  EVER."

NO COPY


Panel 2 - The rooftop of CLINT BARTON's apartment building.  KATE BISHOP (in her Hawkeye gear) is doing a dorky-doofus impression of a "derp" KICK-ASS.  CLINT is watching and laughing heartily, wiping a tear from his eye.  He has his arm in a sling, an injury from a previous misadventure.  In the sky, we can see a Quinjet turn.

KATE:  "Duuh, my name is Kick-@$$...calling rapey villains ¿&*#$ makes me edgy and cool...KERK-ERSS!!!"

CLINT:  ...it's funny cuz it's true...


Panel 3 - KATE hugs CLINT, both of them smiling.  The Quinjet is a closer to the roof now, and its hatch is opening.

KATE:  Got any final words of advice on Cosmic Adventuring?

CLINT:  Nah.  You'll be fine.  They wouldn't've picked you if they didn't think you had the stuff.  Believe me, I know. You'll be great.


Panel 4 - KATE boards the Quinjet, greeted by HELLCAT and MANTIS.  MONICA RAMBEAU can be seen waving to CLINT.  KATE and CLINT share that same one-eyebrow-up cockeyed expression.

CLINT:  Now go kick ass.

KATE:  Don't make me do your other arm....

Up next - a Galactic encounter...

Kick-Ass - No Peace For The Wicked - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: MATT MALENKO, a stocky, taller man, ducks into an alleyway. He's wearing a brown suede jacket and tattered black tracksuit pants. His hands are in the pockets of the jacket. Outside the alleyway, we can see City Hall, as the mayor adresses his citizens.

Caption(Malenko): I SAW HIM ON THE TEEVEE.

Panel 2: Malenko pulls a black balaclava over his head, his eyes darting side to side. He's manic, nervous.

Caption(Malenko): THE KID IN THE WETSUIT, CALLED HIMSELF KICK-ASS.

Panel 3: Malenko takes off his jacket, and we can see that the sleeves are covered in blood up to the elbows. He's wearing a cheap black custom t-shirt reading

NO PEACE

FOR THE WICKED

Caption(Malenko): HE CALLED HIMSELF A HERO.

Panel 4: We see a picture in a newspaper of Malenko stabbing the mayor, while dressed in his getup. Malenko is crazed, almost gleeful.

Caption(Malenko): A HERO JUST LIKE ME.

Kick-Ass - The Bystander Effect - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: In a car park, a mugger has paused in his beating of his victim to look at Kick-Ass, who has just wandered onto the scene. The mugger is not afraid, more unsure of the situation. (Note: This is set after Kick-Ass has become somewhat famous.)

MUGGER: Aw shit.

Panel 2: Kick-Ass, a little taken aback himself, strides towards the mugger.

KICK-ASS: Wh-What? Don't stop on my account. After all, you've got an audience.

Panel 3: Close-up of several apartment windows overlooking the car park. Some people are looking out, trying not to be seen.

KICK-ASS (O.P.): All these assholes just sitting there watching some dick beat a guy up, thinking, "Gee, somebody should do something about that," but not taking their fingers out their asses long enough to call the cops!

Panel 4: Kick-Ass has now reached the mugger, who is still paused mid-beating.

KICK-ASS: Well watch this...

Panel 5: Same shot, but now Kick-Ass whips out one of his batons and swiftly knocks the mugger out with it.

SFX: WHUPP

MUGGER: Uck!

Panel 6: Wide shot, almost the onlookers' POV, looking down on the car park as Kick-Ass helps the victim up.

KICK-ASS: Every cut and bruise this guy has!? Every minute he'll spend in hospital recovering!? All the worrying his family will do!?

KICK-ASS: That's all on you guys too!

KICK-ASS: You don't need a fucking mask to do something, dumbasses.

END OF PAGE

Kick Ass – Once You Pop - Shaun Richens

PAGE TWENTY-ONE – 5 PANELS.

All page wide panels.

21.1

A large clenched fist rockets into the side of KICK ASS’s jaw knocking it off centre. A spray of blood and saliva erupt from Kick ass’s mouth.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

I’m reminded of when I read Old Man Logan.

21.2

Kick ass is doubled over as a second fist connects with his stomach in a thundering uppercut.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

When I saw what it took to make Wolverine stop poppin’ his claws, it made me wonder.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

What would take to make me give this up?

21.3

The elbow of a second attacker is being driven down into the spine of Kick ass as he tries to get back to his feet. His jaw bloodied and bruised.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

The answer terrified me.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

The clear realisation that there’s only one way I’d ever stop.

21.4

From Kick ass’s POV looking up at a crowd of attackers surrounding him. Some of them have their boots raised off the ground ready to come crashing down on to his skull.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

The only end to this career path is the one luxury Logan never had.

21.5

Black Panel.

CAPTION KICK ASS:

Death.

Kick-Ass – Practically Superhuman – MK Stangeland Jr.

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: PRACTICALLY SUPERHUMAN (SUPERHUMAN) is zipping up a black jumpsuit.

TEXT BOX (1): ‘Superjournal’, Day 1.

TEXT BOX (2): When I said I was retiring to live a quiet life, I should have known that wouldn’t last.

Panel 2: SUPERHUMAN puts on a black ‘ninja’ mask.

TEXT BOX (1): But then this stupid kid – he calls himself ‘Kick @$$’, I think he’s just a ‘Dumb @$$’ – starts something.

TEXT BOX (2): He decides he wants to play ‘superhero’. And, like all dumb @$$ ideas in history, he gets imitators.

Panel 3: SUPERHUMAN is putting on a black bullet-proof vest.

TEXT BOX (1): I’m not one for comic books, but even I know that Superheroes require Supervillains. So naturally, his little movement spawns a bunch of them, too.

TEXT BOX (2): Now the villains want the heroes dead, the cops want the villains and their mob buddies gone, and there’s money to be found dealin’ with both.

Panel 4: SUPERHUMAN puts on a belt loaded with what looks like legitimately dangerous and useful gear  – a pistol with a laser sight and a silencer, various explosive devices, a combat knife, etc.

TEXT BOX (1): Me, of course, I made a living off of killing’ people before I retired.

TEXT BOX (2): I’ve done tours of duty, I’ve got special forces ninja training, done time in prison, all that crazy ****.

Panel 5: SUPERHUMAN readies a weapon that passes as a sniper rifle.

TEXT BOX (1): But even in middle age, I’m practically superhuman compared to most of these jokers. Like an evil kung-fu Batman or something.

TEXT BOX (2): Side Note: I might want to use that as a name if the subject comes up.

Panel 6: SUPERHUMAN stands tall, ready to go to work, armed and ready – his appearance should give him a very powerful ‘this guy is REALLY bad news’ vibe.

SUPERHUMAN (1): Killing costumed idiots for fun and profit?

SUPERHUMAN (2): Sounds like a fun retirement plan to me.

(END PAGE)

Kick Ass - Heads Will Roll -Dan Hill

PAGE 1

A nine panel grid.

Panel 1: A man runs down a deserted city street. He’s in his early 20’s and dressed in an immaculately tailored Italian suit that just cries ‘money’. Probably criminal money.

NO COPY

Panel 2: The man skitters into a side alley, looking over his shoulder as he does so.

NO COPY

Panel 3: The man skids to a halt, faced with a dead end.

NO COPY

Panel 4: The man has his back to the wall, turned towards the mouth of the alley. He holds his hands up. He’s terrified.  

1. MAN:         Oh, God. Please no.

Panel 5: Fixed panel. The man raises his hands some more, fear and hysteria enveloping him.

2. MAN:         Please, I’ll do anything, but--

Panel 6: Fixed panel. A katana swords cuts an arc from the left of the panel to the right, severing the man’s hands at the wrist and decapitating him in one swift motion. A geyser of blood shoots up from the neck.

3. SFX:         Thwwwwwush

Panel 7: We cut to Hit Girl, sword in hand standing in the alley. Her face and costume are soaked with blood. She looks down at her handiwork.

NO COPY

Panel 8: Fixed panel. Hit girl looks up, straight at us.

4. HIT GIRL:         What?

Panel 9: Fixed panel. As before.

5. HIT GIRL:         Did you see the way he was dressed?

6. HIT GIRL:         He was asking for it.

Kick Ass - After a Fashion - Grant McLaughlin

1 - New York at night.  It's winter.  Kick Ass and Battle-Guy walk across the rooftop of a building.  There is snow pretty much everywhere.  It's up to their knees and the wind is kicking it up and blowing it at and around them.  Battle-Guy holds himself in an attempt to warm up, his teeth chattering.  Kick Ass doesn't seem to be minding the cold quite as much.

BATTLE-GUY: These winter patrols blow.  Can't we just stay in and play video games instead?

KICK ASS: Come on, Marty.  Evil won't take a night off because it's chilly.

2 - Kick Ass stops to look at Battle-Guy.  He isn't terribly impressed with Battle-Guy's lack of dedication.  Battle-Guy, on the other hand, cannot believe Kick Ass isn't take the cold more seriously.  His eyes go wide and he tries to warm himself more vigourously.

BATTLE-GUY: Chilly?  Are you fucking kidding?  It's goddamn frigid!

3 - Kick Ass pauses, looking off to the distance and using one hand to warm his other arm.  Battle-Guy seizes on the opportunity, pointing at his pelvis in disbelief.

KICK ASS (quietly): I guess it is a little cold.

BATTLE-GUY: A little!?  I'm freezing my tunk off here!

4 - Kick Ass relents, rolling his eyes slightly as he walks away from Battle-Guy (and towards the reader).  Behind Kick Ass, Battle-Guy pumps his fist, doing a little celebration at his small victory.

KICK ASS: Fine!  We'll stop by my place if it'll help stop your bitching...

5 - Kick Ass and Battle-Guy walk the streets, now wearing some winter gear, including ugly Christmas sweaters, mittens, and those ridiculous hunting hats with ear flaps.  This is, of course, worn over their costumes, making them look pretty darn silly.  Battle-Guy is upset about this, walking with his arms crossed (in frustration instead of cold) and a petulant expression.  Kick Ass doesn't seem to mind, riding high on the thrill of patrolling.

BATTLE-GUY: We look ridiculous.

KICK ASS: There's nothing wrong with fighting crime in layers.

Kick Ass - Any Questions? - Ben Rosenthal

1.  Kick Ass stands at a podium, surrounded by the media.  He has called a press conference.

KICK ASS

I've called you here today to make an announcement.

2.  Kick Ass is reaching for his mask.  He is pulling it off.

KICK ASS

However as you all know, I believe that actions speak louder than words.

3.  Kick Ass’ identity is revealed.  However it is not David Lizewski but Chris Genovese.

4.  In David’s room.  His hands are on either side of the TV.  He is dumbfounded that this has happened.  On the tv screen Chris is staring right down the camera, smirking.  It is almost as if he is staring directly at Dave through the screen. 

DAVE

No no no no.

CHRIS/KICK ASS

Any questions?

Why Kick Ass?

There is something of a tradition we have around theses parts.

Whenever a comic book related movie is being released, we here at Thought Balloons try and coincide it with the main character (or villain) as the character choice for that week.  This pretty much sums up why Kick Ass was chosen this week.

Now, the real question is do we do this in order to tie in with the movie and get extra hits to the page, or for another reason which I can't think of right now but doesn't make us sound as desperate for your attention?

You decide...

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