The Penguin - Guests Posts

It seems we have some very talented readers within the thoughtballoons community who like to play along at home and post their own scripts. This week they've posted their scripts in the comments section on the Why Penguin? post, but I thought it would be nice to give them some play up here too, so hit the jump to read 'Gone Fishin'' and 'I Couldn't Draw To Save My Life' from Danial Carroll (the man also responsible for the wicked new banner we've been using these past few weeks). And in future, if you want to play at home post your scripts in that character's Why? post and we'll comment on it and maybe I'll even do another post like this, if I get the time.

The Penguin - A Bird Without a Hand* - Simon McDonald

*Inspired by Rick Burchett & Bill Sienkiewicz*

The following page is set out in a nine panel grid. The page should replicate this.

1. The Penguin is partially buried under the debris of The Iceberg Lounge; his head and an arm is poking out from the rubble, covered in dust; a cut to his forehead is dripping blood. He looks in bad shape; lucky to be alive, to have survived whatever's caused this decimation.

THE PENGUIN

Uuhhhh...

2. Identical to above.

SFX

Tap Tap Tap Tap

3. Same shot as above: only now there's a person standing in the frame; a man with a walking stick. We're staring at his legs; we can see The Penguin staring at those legs, hopeful of rescue.

THE PENGUIN

Huhhhhhlp meeee...

MAN

You want my help?
That depends...

4. The Man's now crouching down; looking at The Penguin with disdain. We can't see his head, but he's old and balding; like he needs the walking stick, it isn't just for show.

MAN

... how can you help me?

5. Close-up of The Penguin, eyes bulging. He knows the Man's face from somewhere... but can't quite place it.

MAN

You... do I...
I know...
You...

6. Tight on the Man.

MAN

Karma's a bitch, right?

7. Pull back, similar to Panel 3. Focus on the Man's leg's and the walking stick; on the Penguin, still trapped.

THE PENGUIN

I'm sorrrrry....
Please helllp meee....

8. The Penguin's gone limp, unconscious. The Man has moved out of frame.

MAN

(off panel)

Help yourself.

SFX
Tap Tap Tap Tap

9. Replicate Panel 8; the Penguin, unconscious. Alone.  Dying? Dead?

THE END?

The Penguin - Are Penguins Furry? - Max Barnard

The Premise: You wanted confidence? I'm giving you confidence in the SCARIEST WAY, as I exploit those most terrifying of internet people, furries and otherkin. Not because I hate them (though my opinion of these people is more than a little bit in the disgust category), but because this story just came to me on Monday morning, as I contemplated whether I could use some free time on my week off of writing to.. write. So here's a story about Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, finally finding that place he TRULY belongs.


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Page 1 - X Panels

1-- A close-up of Penguins face from the nose up. His brow is furrowed, in a way that could potentially be read as angry, to build up the expectations of the reader.

TEXT BOX/PENGUIN - No, no, this isn't right at all...


2-- We move back to see Oswald at a computer in a dark room, frantically typing away with a cigarette in his mouth and his top hat falling off of his head. He isn't wearing ANYTHING else, so make sure he's as disgusting, wide, riddled with cellulite and wrinkly as possible. Oh and sweaty, I'm sure someone out there will hate us for that, so have rivulets of thick sweat running down his hideous rotund form. We want to be giving people nightmares with this image!

SPEECH BUBBLE/PENGUIN - BIGGER! It needs to be BIGGER!


3-- We're now looking over the Penguin's shoulder at his computer. On the screen is a character creation screen for a game called FURQUEST (drop this in at the top of the screen. In fact if you're looking for a frame of reference for the screen itself, try looking at character creation screens from such games as World of Warcraft. It's the kind of shut-in vibe I'm going for here). The character pictured on screen is a horrific sight: a giant anthropomorphised Penguin-man/woman with ridiculous muscles, to the extent that its flippers look like bulging, Liefeldian biceps. It's wearing a tank-top to cover it's hideously oversized breasts, which are almost as big as the rest of the character. Between the monstrosity's legs is a MASSIVE BLACK CENSORSHIP BAR, with CENSORED in big white letters running along it. I don't think you need to know what this implies, but rest assured that by the standards of the community I'm light-heartedly mocking it's tame.

SPEECH BUBBLE/PENGUIN - HUAGH! It is complete!


4-- I'm sure you're beginning to feel sick at this point, so be glad this is the final panel. We're now only viewing the screen, which is displaying the aforementioned fur-futa-penguin... THING standing in a crowd of similar creatures, namely Foxes, Cat-people and some sort of reptile. Try to have one of them giving an incredibly uncomfortable arse shot facing the reader. In the bottom left corner is a chat box, containing such generic sentiments as "a/s/l", "lololololol" and "roflcopter".

SFX/ABOVE CROWD OF PLAYER CHARACTERS - YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFF

TEXT BOX/PENGUIN - I've finally found a place I truly belong, where no-one will think I'm disgusting!* HUAGH!

TEXT BOX/EDITOR'S NOTE - *Urp! I feel sickened by the irony!

TEXT BOX - Fin


[Man, I feel filthy writing that, but I wanted to see how far I could push the envelope on uncomfortable scripts. Hopefully you all laughed on some small scale, or at least scarred you for life. Because that's a sort of comedy. And this TOTALLY isn't existing just because it's the only idea I could think of for the character. Not at all!]

The Penguin - Friends - Rol Hirst

Panel One.

Batman is fighting the Joker at Gotham City Zoo. They’re in the Aquatic Birdhouse where the Joker is trying to feed his deadly smiley-faced Joker-fish to the assorted birds… including swans, geese, pelicans, flamingo, etc. Batman is leaping towards the Joker to stop him.

JOKER: Come on, Bats – fish is good for bird-brains! Hahahahaha!

CAP: Breakfast – The Joker attacks Gotham Zoo…


Panel Two.

Batman is fighting Killer Croc in the sewers. A hole in the sewer wall leads through to a bank vault. Killer Croc has Batman in a bear hug, squeezing the life out of him.

CROC: Rarrrrrghhh! KILL YOU!

CAP: Lunch – Killer Croc breaks the bank… and almost does the same to my back. (Once was bad enough.)


Panel Three.

Batman is fighting the Mad Hatter amid giant Alice In Wonderland style teacups. The Hatter is throwing razor tipped Oddjob hats at Batman while a swirling hypnotic beam emanates from his own top hat.

MAD HATTER: Time for your afternoon nap, Batman, old chap – you’re feeling sleeeeepy!

CAP: High tea – of course, it had to be the Hatter…


Panel Four.

Batman is fighting Poison Ivy in a huge, plant-filled greenhouse. Batman is trying to keep himself from being chomped by a giant venus flytrap. While Batman struggles, Ivy blows him a poisonous kiss.

IVY: Darling – I could just eat you up!

CAP: Dinner - Poison Ivy’s latest creation debuts at Gotham’s Botanical Gardens.


Panel Five.

Batman is tied to a target / bullseye on top of a building as night falls on Gotham. The Joker is pointing a ridiculously huge gun at him and is about to blow him away. Batman is struggling to get free but his situation seems hopeless.

CAP: It’s relentless. As the day goes on, they begin to wear me down …

CAP: So that by the time the Joker returns for supper… he finally gets the better of me.

JOKER: Say goodnight, Gracie!


Panel Six.

Big SFX panel – BLAM!


Panel Seven.

The Joker stands with a smoking bullet hole through his chest. He’s staring at it in confusion. Batman is unharmed… staring past the Joker to where the Penguin waddles out of the shadows.

JOKER: Eh?


Panel Eight.

The Joker collapses. As the Penguin comes closer, we see that his umbrella is smoking from the shot he just fired at the Joker. Batman starts to struggle free from his trap.

BATMAN: Oswald…?

PENGUIN: I’ve told him before… He can do what he wants to you…


Panel Nine.

Penguin beats the fallen body of the Joker with his umbrella repeatedly.

PENGUIN: BUT HE - MUSTN’T – EVER – HURT – MY --


Panel Ten.

Back to Gotham Zoo as featured in the opening panel. Police and zoo-keepers clear up the mess from the Joker’s attack earlier in the day. Among the debris and Joker fish, a zoo-keeper holds the body of a dead penguin.

PENGUIN (CAP): FRIENDS!!!

The Penguin - Cold Blooded Killer - Matt Duarte

The Penguin in “Cold Blooded Killer” by Matt Duarte

This page is to be set in two different panels. It is not set in any particular time period. In my mind, this would be drawn by someone like Marcos Martin, or Javier Pullido, if that helps to visualize the image.

Panel 1

Description: It is the inside of The Penguin’s office, which is extremely luxurious. There is artwork on the walls, sculptures in the floor, and a very nice desk in the middle. The Penguin is sitting in the chair behind the desk, though we can only see his head and arms, as he is too short for it. At the same time, however, he is pacing nervously around the desk. He is also looking out a window that is on the far side of the room, looking rather gloom. It’s not that there’s three different Penguins, but rather that he is moving around the room, from the desk, to walking around it, to finally looking out the window. In the center of the room, there is a shadowy figure, a hulking mass compared to the tiny Penguin. He has his back turned to us, and we cannot see who it is just yet.

PENGUIN (from the desk): Allow me to preface this meeting by expressing my disgust with you. Despite what you might have heard, I do not associate myself with cold blooded killers such as yourself.

PENGUIN (walking): Even meeting you in person goes against my baser instincts, the very order of nature itself! We may feed from the same waters, but do not fool yourself, in any other time we would be blood enemies! And yet...

PENGUIN (from the window): The Bat has been targeting me particularly hard lately. My money and influence only goes so far and that damned flying rodent knows exactly where to hit me the hardest. I need something else, something that you can provide.

Panel 2

The Penguin stands in front of the big man that we saw before, with his back towards the reader. The Penguin’s arms are open, as if extending his gratitude. In front of him, stands Killer Croc, wearing a tattered orange jumpsuit with the word “Arkham” in it. He is also wearing some extremely heavy shackles that hold his arms and his legs together, as well as a mouth guard keeping his mouth shut. He towers a good four feet over the tiny Penguin.

PENGUIN: So what do you say, eh? We didn’t break you out of prison for nothing! With my brains, and your brawn, I’m sure we can give the Bat a run for his money. All you have to do is promise you will behave, and do as I say, and we’ll remove those shackles from you.

Next: The Bird and the Reptile vs The Mammal!

The Penguin – March of The Penguin - Ben Rosenthal

The following is a very simple 3 lined grid, with 2 panel appearing on each line. All panels are of the same size.

1. We see a young Oswald Cobblepot. He is around 15 years old. He is dressed in a karate Gi and is training with a similarly aged young man. There is determination on his face.

2. This panel shows Oswald and his friend looking down on some blueprints. Both boys are a few years older, with Oswald looking slightly chubbier around the face. On the bench in front of the two are miscellaneous parts of an umbrella, as well as some rotator blades and engines. We can see that the blueprints reveal that the two are working on a portable way of flight.

3. We have skipped forward another few years. This panel has a slightly more rotund Oswald running towards us, down an alley. He is dressed in mostly black, with a ski mask rolled up over his face. He has just committed a robbery of the local bank. Oswald is looking over his shoulder with a smirk on his face, carrying a bag close to his chest. To the left of the panel, in the background, two police officers are pointing their guns at Oswald’s friend, who is dressed the same as Oswald.

4. Once again a few years have passed. Oswald’s belly is the size that we see it today. He is dressed in nice clothes, but not the expensive suit we are used to seeing him in. He is looking over the fallen body of a nicely dressed mafia-type boss. The body of the mafia boss is lying on its back at the bottom of the panel, with Oswald standing above it, one foot on its chest. Oswald has a large grin on his face, holding an unopened umbrella in his hand which is still smoking from its tip. Behind Oswald are a group of thugs, looking like Oswald’s army.

5. This panel is taken up entirely by the front page of the Daily Planet. Its headline reads in a large font, “WHO IS THE PENGUIN?” Underneath is the smaller line “The mysterious new Emperor of Crime”.

6. This panel is taken up with Oswald’s face. He has a monocle and cigarillo jutting from the right side of his mouth. We can see the outline of the Daily Planet, which Oswald has obviously just been reading. Oswald looks completely gobsmacked and taken aback.

OSWALD
I’m a penguin?

The Penguin – Hunting Trophy – Ryan K Lindsay

1. Detective Driver is standing at the crime scene, his arms crossed, his face sullen. A new junior detective, Hungerford, is approaching him. There is a body covered by a sheet on the ground on which we can see has a fair blood stain spreading out from the side of the body’s stomach.

Hungerford: Came as quick as I could. What have we got, Detective Driver?
Driver: They took his umbrella, one of his crooked little paws, and what must be at least a pound of blubber.

2. Hungerford looks perplexed.

Hungerford: Blubber?

3. Driver grimaces and has turned away.

Driver: Whales ain’t the only ones, buddy.
Driver: Looks like a trophy hunt to me. And I know someone who apparently has a very rich collection in this sort of sick vein.

4. Driver is staring off, looking through a note pad, Hungerford is staring at the sheeted body, which is now slightly moving.

Driver: Massive coins, pet dinosaurs, glass cases of defeated foes, crocodile teeth necklaces, pits to regenerate himself…giant ten pins. It’s all just a big game.
Penguin, under the sheet(faint): Waugh, Waugh…
Hungerford: Oh, god, he’s still alive.

5. Driver is walking away, the penguin has sat up with the sheet uncovering his face, Hungerford just looks shocked.

Driver: He was never dead, I was just sick of lookin’ at him.
Penguin: Waugh!
Driver: C’mon kid, we need some truth on this matter, and though I doubt we’ll completely get any it’s still our job to go ask questions.

Why The Penguin?

There are a few reasons why I went with this character. On the one hand it was the first name that came into my head! I also felt a lot of people picked Marvel characters, so I thought I'd go with a change.

But I'm also intrigued by the various interpretations of the character. In the film Batman Returns, he is an embittered monster trying to become respectable. In the 60's series he was a squawking eccentric, while in The Batman he was an oik pretending to have class.

I've got to be honest, there is also a joy in writing for villains, be able to get a sense of why they do what they do. It seems to me you rarely get villains that are evil for the sake of it and that often adds to the fun.

If you are interested in reading some more, professional, Penguin tales during or after this week then please check out the links below, there might just be something new for you...you never know, and each click and purchase (and you can purchase anything, so long as our link to Amazon is your portal) will help us here at thoughtballoons make a little scratch to get by. Thank you in advance: